As The World Sinks
by Sugary Ash
Summary: Married to a man she doesn't love, shieldmaiden Svana believes her life and her destiny to be battle and blood. But the Allfather puts her onto another's path, to help him seek vengeance and to help him feel whole.
1. Married

**Chapter 1: Married**

If only her father had listened to her. For years now she had been sending out messengers, calling for meetings, telling them all to join forces and unite against their common foe but pride won over, pride and lust for glory. Every King wanted to be known as The King to stop Harald's conquests. Every Earl dared only to follow their own Kings. In the end, everyone lost their lands and their heads and now the army was here at their door in Rogaland.

"King Arnarson, I beg you to consider agreeing to the peace talks."

"We all know what they want. They will accept nothing else." Arnarson's thick fingers clutched the arms of his throne in desperation, his skin shining of sweat and his beard and hair greasy and matted from days of fighting for his kingdom.

"Father." She spoke over the grumblings around her. All the smaller leaders of their land were there in their Great Hall, trying to advise the King. Earl Eyjolf was on one knee before Arnarson, trying to get his lifelong friend to listen to reason. But she knew her father, she knew how much his throne mattered to him. He would need a stronger push towards the right direction. "The peace talks may be the only way to save our family line. I am your only child and I have no children. I am out there, fighting every day and if this continues, we will both die and all of this struggle would've been for nothing. Is that how you want to be remembered? The King of one of the many petty lands that Harald easily conquered? Or do you want the chance to find another way to remain in history? I know which I would choose."

There was a long moment of silence before mumbles of encouragement came from the men and women in the Hall.

"She speaks fair."

"Please hear reason, King."

"There is no chance of victory here."

"Alright!" The King shouted. "I will invite that son of a whore into my home and I will accept his terms. But you!" His finger shot up and pointed at her. Her back straightened, instincts taking over as her fingers twitched towards her sword. "You, my daughter, have gone unmarried long enough! Yes, you're without child, because of your own stubbornness, having refused all the grand offers I gathered for you! I will offer Harald your hand in marriage to sweeten the deal and hopefully we can all stay here living in our homeland, under his rule."

She could barely hear the end of his last sentence, so loud was the pounding in her ears. "Father-"

"You will not refuse me anymore! You wanted to save us so badly, you will make this sacrifice! Do you understand!?"

This was it. She knew she'd been fortunate to have a father who'd let her be unmarried for so long when offers had been coming since she became sixteen, to have a father who let her go into battle, become a shieldmaiden, become a leader of her own shieldmaidens and the defender of their kingdom. All of this, he had let happen when she was his sole heir, his only child and his only hope of a continued bloodline. She'd been fortunate for far too long.

It was time to accept her duty.

"Yes, father. I understand and I will do as you ask."

* * *

The message arrived as they were preparing for another attack. His brother grinned while reading it.

"What is it?" He asked, grabbing Harald's shoulder to get his attention.

His brother let out a boisterous laugh that echoed in the silent camp, their army waiting for the King's command.

Instead of answering him, Harald addressed his people, "We've won! Arnarson has invited me into his Great Hall for talks of peace! He says he will agree to yield his kingdom to me but asks to meet and discuss further terms! Tonight we celebrate in Rogaland, the newest addition to my kingdom of Norway!"

Everyone cheered loudly, joyous and proud.

He, however, remained wary. "What are these terms he wishes to speak of? What exactly did the message say?" He whispered this to his brother, once again grabbing his shoulder.

"The terms are about him and his Earls staying here, to rule over the land in my name, to answer to me as their King but for much else to stay the same." Harald copied his softer tone.

"Brother, that sounds risky. How would we trust them not to gather a larger army, to declare themselves a kingdom again?"

Harald looked at him with a mysterious smile. He hated that smile, it always left him feeling as if he had missed something.

"He offers an alliance in the form of a marriage. He offers me a wife."

It didn't take him long to realise who. "His daughter? The shieldmaiden?"

"Yes." Harald was still smirking, eyes glinting with glee.

"Aren't you obsessing over that princess of yours, or are you finally ready to let that go?"

Harald laughed, "He's offered her to me but you know I must turn her down. I've made a promise to my princess and I intend to keep it."

"But then..." And finally the joke hit him in the head and left him reeling. "You can't be considering-" Harald grasped his arms and shook him.

"You need a woman, brother! And she would be a great asset to our army when we join Bjorn this year. She commands a hundred shieldmaiden, all of them known for their ferocious strength, handpicked to defend their land by Svana herself. They're the only reason it's taken us days to get them to surrender, you know this too."

"I don't want a wife." He forced out through gritted teeth.

Harald remained unswayed and clapped him on the shoulder, "It can be in name only, brother. From what I've heard, she's not been looking for a husband either so you already have something in common." And then he turned to find his horse, his laugh blending in with the cheers still going on around them.

Halfdan did not feel like celebrating.

* * *

He had seen her on the battlefield, yelling commands at her fighters, blocking arrows with ease and slamming her shield into her enemies with a force to be reckoned with it. He didn't look at her as a woman then, he only saw her as an obstacle.

Now, he opened his eyes, his mind and observed his future wife.

She was tall, taller than him, her shoulders strong and arms wide from muscle. Her golden brown hair was pulled up in a single high braid, her sea-green eyes were big and intense, her nose straight but short and her mouth of average size and shaped like a bow. Her body was all strength and force but combined with ample breasts and wide hips she looked like how he imagined their goddesses looked like. A fighter, a mother and a wife all in one.

If this was about a quick tumble in a tent, he would be looking forward to it, very much so. But he'd never seen himself as a man to settle down, to have children, to share a bed with the same woman every night. That was his brother's dream. His was yet unrevealed to him and he didn't want to give up the search for it.

So he settled on a disinterested glare and let Harald do all the talking.

* * *

Svana tried to see good in this. The man standing before her and her father in their Great Hall was not ugly. His face was covered in beautiful tattoos and she admired him for having gone through the painful process of getting them there. His hair was long, his beard regal and his eyes clear and not unkind. He looked like a good husband. Maybe he would be a good husband.

She hoped.

"I offer thanks to you, Arnarson for your gracious offer. And I praise you for having such a fine and fierce daughter, any man would feel lucky to have her as his wife."

She squinted, forcing away the urge to roll her eyes at the empty compliments.

"Alas, I will have to turn it down."

Her father shot up from his throne. "What!?"

Harald quickly held up his hands in a gesture of placation, "I am not turning down the offer of terms. A marriage to unite us and to remain sure of your loyalty to me as your King; that is what I've come to accept. Sadly, I've promised myself to another and I'm a man of my word. My brother, however, is also without wife and would gladly take my place."

She stared in shock at the man standing next to Harald. Dark eyes glared back at her in a face devoid of emotion.

"Father-" she spoke without knowing what she'd say, what she could even say for this to not proceed.

"I accept the change."

Too late.

* * *

Halfdan and Svana did not share a word, barely even looked at each other until the next day, when they were wed.

They went through the motions, said the words needed to be said, neither wanting it, both feeling like chains were now wrapped around them, constricting them.

They left towards Svana's room to share the night, leaving everyone's cheers, Harald's encouraging laughter and Arnarson's commanding glare behind them.

Both were gathering their resolve, both were putting together a speech in their heads.

When the door closed, they spoke at the same time after a moment of heavy silence.

"Look-"

"I-"

They shut up and stared each other down.

Svana relented first, unwilling to let this night go badly, knowing her life and the life of her father were still very much in danger if she would not be at least slightly pleasing to this man.

She sighed slowly, turning to go and sit on her bed before gesturing towards Halfdan.

"You first... husband."

His face showed real emotion for the first time before her, crunching up in disgust.

"Please don't call me that ever again."

Svana gave him an uncertain smile, "Alright. Halfdan, then."

He nodded and for the first time she was able to put her own feelings aside and take in all of the nervous energy radiating from the man standing in her room.

Halfdan also let out a long sigh, before beginning to speak.

"I didn't want this. I know you didn't want this. So it can easily be in name only. I'd like to have sex with you, I won't deny that, but I won't force you..." His eyes trailed down her body slowly, his voice growing softer, "I don't think I could force you."

Svana laughed, "At least you're smart."

Halfdan grinned back at her and she dared to hope again. He was saying good things to her and the more she looked at him, the more she saw a man. Not just a man - a fighter, a warrior and a brother of her King.

Honestly, she could do a lot worse.

"Yes, I didn't want this either. But I'm thinking sex would be nice, since all we've done the past few days is battle and my body is tired and aching and sore." She reached up to untangle and release her hair. His eyes followed her movements and then followed the waves of her hair as they reached the bed she was sitting on. His breathing seemed to grow deeper.

"Sex is good when you're sore?" Halfdan asked, eyes now flickering between her hair, her breasts and the hollow between her thighs as she spread her legs and pulled her wedding dress up to fall between them.

"Sex is good when you want to sleep but your aching body is keeping you awake."

"Oh I ache. I ache very much right now."

She grinned, growing excited at his interest.

"Then remove your clothes."

* * *

They had been married for a month when Svana and her shieldmaidens joined King Harald to sail towards Kattegat. She was given three separate ships for her warriors, and pride almost swallowed her whole when she saw her colors decorating them, their white shields with black stripes contrasting strongly against the brown of the ship.

She was excited and eager. They were going far south to somewhere new and foreign. And there would be battle, fighting, raiding. She had been the defender of her father's kingdom since she turned eighteen but she'd never gone on raids. And her blood sang at the thought of what lay ahead.

She knew men who were angry, she knew men who were cold and then there were those who just enjoyed killing for the sake of killing. Svana considered herself something different. Her anger was fleeting, she never lacked kindness and warmth to share with the people she cared for and pointless easy kills bored her. But a battle, a desperate fight for one's life and to come out of it victorious, having slain your foes and proven yourself to be better than them - that was what she lived for.

She hoped the new lands would be full of enemies who fought differently, used unfamiliar tactics and foreign weapons. She felt the need to prove herself to be better than them, to slay everyone who stood in her path to victory.

Her shieldmaidens were in charge of her ships as she herself travelled with Halfdan and the King. Her husband didn't really feel like one as their marriage had settled into one of alliance and name only. He often slept far from their bed and sometimes so did she, both having agreed they didn't care about fidelity.

Which is why she was flirting heavily with one of the rowers and enjoying his bashful grins in response to her admiring his form, when Harald approached her. His manner was stern, official and she pulled herself up to respond appropriately.

"Svana, may I have a word?" He nodded towards the bow of the ship where if they spoke quietly, some privacy could be preserved.

"Yes, King." She shuffled after him, hefting up her coat of furs so it would better cover her shoulders.

"I have noticed that you haven't been showing..." He paused, humming in thought, "Loyalty to my brother."

Her brow rose in surprise. She hadn't expected this, of all things. "I... haven't. Halfdan and I have an agreement. He doesn't care."

Harald's jaw clenched in constrained anger as he whispered to her harshly, "But I do!"

"I don't understand," she replied, uneasy now and feeling like someone had pulled the ground out from under her. She thought the marriage over and done with, nothing she had to continue on worrying about.

"You will stop whoring yourself around. The three of us know what this marriage really is, but to everyone else you are a wife to him, a true loyal wife that honors and respects her husband. During this raid, especially, you will be by his side and support him, showing Bjorn that we have a strong shieldmaiden with us as a true ally."

"So this is all about appearances." She summarized, frowning at her King in confusion. "And if I was more discreet?"

Harald wet his mouth slyly and then laughed, "If you want to risk being discovered, go ahead. But know that if rumors start flying around and I find out, well, your father will quite literally, lose his head."

Svana breathed in deep and centered herself. She very much wanted to spit in her King's face, but she knew he was serious. Her father's life... as well as her own, were in his hands now.

She was his puppet.

"And Halfdan? I don't think he'll like this whole, appearing to be loyal thing."

Harald chuckled, then laughed, then roared with humor, gathering everyone's attention, "Oh no, he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to." He clasped her on the shoulder, winking, a seemingly friendly gesture that would appear to others as if they were joking around. "These terms are for you and you alone." With that, he left her.

Svana swallowed down a growl, held back the urge to grab a shield and bash Harald's face in. It took her a few moments before she dared to turn around and was then met with Halfdan's confused expression.

"What was that all about?"

Mindful of everyone's stares, including Harald's, she drew her husband closer and touched her forehead to his. Halfdan's wide eyes and fearful look made her laugh softly, before she leaned down to kiss him and to whisper against his mouth, "I have been ordered to seem as a devoted wife."

He quickly took in the information and most likely figured out the details on his own, knowing his brother well. "It wasn't my idea." He whispered back frantically.

Svana was touched as he actually seemed concerned that she would be angry with him.

"I know," she smiled back and Halfdan relaxed. Then tensed up again.

"This is too weird, though."

She laughed and released him, gave one last look at the handsome rower and tried to settle her mind, to get used to the idea of never straying from her marriage bed.

Surrounded by strong warriors, it was really, really hard.

* * *

a/n: svana is 6 years older than ivar


	2. The Cripple

**Chapter 2: The Cripple**

Kattegat was stunning; colorful and wild with so many different languages being shouted at the market and so many different people trying to force things into her hands. A lot of the words she couldn't understand although the gestures and facial expressions often helped translate the usual lies and drivel that merchants loved to tell. She refused them all, wanting to only have a look around before the beginning of the feast.

At the docks, Harald had presented her to Bjorn as if a trophy and Bjorn had admired her as one. It had reminded her again of her low position in this new kingdom, a puppet to move as her master willed her to. She had excused herself, claiming curiosity at the exotic wares Kattegat's merchants were in possession of and promised to be back quickly.

She had heard Harald's aggravating laughter behind her, "Women and their trinkets."

Her lust for her King's blood grew by the day.

A while later, with a clearer head, she headed back towards the dock and was met halfway by her husband.

"There you are, come on, the boats are all set and we're ready to go in."

As soon as they entered, Bjorn was there to greet them and decided to introduce Svana to to the people already feasting.

"Everybody, Halfdan returns to us having found a wife! Meet Svana, the shieldmaiden!"

Her name received cheers before everyone settled and went back to talking amongst themselves. Halfdan and Harald lingered with Bjorn, sharing words she didn't care to overhear so she stepped away and headed straight for the mead.

"I've heard about you." A female voice came from behind her.

She turned towards the speaker, a horn of mead covering her face as she emptied it before sighing loudly in satisfaction and focused on the woman standing before her. Regal, confident and very beautiful, she could guess who it was right away.

"Yes?"

"Svana, the shieldmaiden." Lagertha smiled warmly, "If you weren't so loyal to Rogaland I would have tried to snatch you away earlier. I did, in fact, try. But your father put a quick stop to my attempts."

The world slowly fell away until all she saw was Lagertha, a representation of a possible future she could have had.

"You tried? And my father stopped it?"

Lagertha's face grew somber, "You didn't know."

"No," Svana croaked and turned around to pour herself some more mead. Lagertha came to stand next to her as she finished the second hornful.

"Would you have liked to join my shieldmaidens?"

"Of course! You've gone raiding, you've joined large battles. I would've joined you in a heartbeat because it would've meant being closer to glory."

Lagertha laughed, "And that is what you seek? Glory?"

"Of battle, yes. Proper battle. Not slaughter."

The woman's smile was radiant as she nodded in understanding, "You would have fit in well. I'm sad your father was too short-sighted."

"Most likely just overprotective," she grumbled into her third hornful. "All this time I thought he was being lenient and good to me by allowing me to be the defender of his realm, but now I realise that it was all just a way to keep me home."

"Do you love your father?"

An uncomfortable question from a woman she'd just met, but Svana allowed it, smiling at Lagertha, "I do. When I was little, he gave me everything I ever wanted, he spoiled me rotten. I owe him a lot. I owe him my shield. He was the one to teach me how to use it after all."

Lagertha seemed happy at the reply, "Then your time as the defender of his realm was not wasted, I'd say. He deserved your loyalty."

Svana sighed, "I'm getting a bit too drunk to be so reasonable. Let me be pissed off at him for a little while, I cool off easily anyway."

Lagertha's laughter was strong and clear and it drew eyes towards them. As she looked around, she couldn't help but notice the young men sitting with another older, regal-looking woman. All of them were glancing their way, one of them, she noticed, was glaring quite fiercely at Lagertha.

The angry one had a steely blue gaze she found herself drawn to. But she quickly moved on and found another pair of blue eyes on a handsome face that had gotten stuck on her legs. Svana smirked at the man's expression. 'Yes. They're that long.'

Then the regal woman stood up and Svana found herself having to look up to meet the politely interested stare, a rarity for her.

When the tall beauty approached them, Lagertha spoke first, "Queen Aslaug, I am glad to see you again. Come meet Svana, the shieldmaiden who is now married to Halfdan The Black."

If Svana had been drinking mead, she might've choked on it. First Lagertha, now Queen Aslaug. Who would be the next walking legend she'd get to meet, Ragnar himself?!

"Oh, married already? My boys showed much interest in you as soon as you walked in. I had hoped at least one of them would catch your eye."

Two already had, but she refrained from mentioning that. "My apologies, Queen, had I known I would have this many choices, I'd have come as a single woman."

Aslaug chuckled, "A recent marriage then?"

"Less than two moons old."

"To be young again!" She sighed wistfully. It was then that she noticed the Queen was already drunk. And that Svana was quickly following in her footsteps.

She figured she didn't have to be awake for anything that night anyway, so might as well drink herself to oblivion. She grabbed a fourth hornful and left the two legends to their tense conversation, hearing something about sons and sacrifice as she walked away from them. Mead giving her courage and confidence, she headed over to the group of young men who she now realised were the sons of Ragnar. Almost as good as the man himself, she reckoned.

Three of them stood as they saw her approach. She admired their height, all of them tall young men but only one of them actually taller than herself. She placed herself in front of the handsome blue-eyed lad who had stared at her legs earlier, smiling politely at the eager faces.

"I am Svana, if Bjorn's shouted introduction did not reach you."

"Ubbe," he held out his arm and she grasped it in greeting. Hvitserk and Sigurd followed suit.

Hvitserk gathered himself and was about to speak when she took a step back so she could see the angry one actively trying to ignore them all, caressing the hair of the girl sitting next to him. By the girl's downturned gaze, solemn expression and tense shoulders, Svana identified her as a slave.

"And you are?" She spoke clearly, refusing to flinch or be moved in any way when the boy turned her steely glare onto Svana. After a tense moment, he visibly relaxed and smirked mockingly.

"Ivar." His voice gave her chills. It was higher than his brothers' but there was a lower undertone she liked..

"The Boneless," Sigurd added quickly.

Ivar rolled his eyes and proceeded to murder his brother with his mind.

"Quite the glare you have there, saw it aimed at Lagertha earlier."

And now she was the one being murdered, this young man seemingly overflowing with anger.

"What's it to you?" He snapped.

"Just making an observation. To be honest, just wanted you to glare my way again. Pretty eyes those, nice to look at and all that." She muffled any further ramblings with her mead, realising she was currently on the loose-tongue stage of drunkenness. Best to try and excuse herself.

Ivar's face made her pause as the anger just dissipated, leaving uncertainty and wariness in its wake.

Ubbe interrupted with a rough chuckle, "My eyes are blue too and I'll happily keep them aimed your way."

She took in his roguish charm and all of a sudden felt an incredible hunger. And not for food. Truly, it was time to leave.

"Would you like some music? Do you dance?" Sigurd asked, picking up a stringed instrument and playing a short melody as an example.

"Ah..."

"Yes, let's dance!" Hvitserk exclaimed, grabbing her hands and pulling her towards an open space near the table.

The mead had a strong hold over her so she laughed and agreed, shaking off her coat and throwing it onto the table along with her axe. Left in her leathers, she enjoyed the admiring looks from the brothers (all of them, she noticed) and then gestured for Sigurd to play something. Hvitserk led her into a jolly and energetic dance, more about having fun rather than flirting, which she appreciated. Ubbe joined in and she hopped from one Ragnarsson to the other, clasping hands and twirling. Other people around them immediately joined and the outside world soon disappeared from view as all she saw was moving figures and faces full of joy.

When the voice in the back of her mind reared up again to remind her of King Harald's eyes on her, to whisper 'puppet' as she felt her strings being pulled, Svana excused herself and went back to the mead. She wanted more drink, more oblivion, more joy. Having felt out of sorts ever since her wedding, she figured it was about time for it all to come crashing down on her.

Better to drown in drink than in her sorrow.

"You dance gracefully, I'm surprised!" Ubbe laughed, wiping sweat from brow. He reached to fill a horn for himself and then leant his hip against the table, eyes set on Svana's face.

"Surprised?"

"Haven't seen a woman as tall as you with such a light step," he amended.

She didn't know whether to take offense to that so she just shrugged, "Well, I am and I do and I have. Tall, step lightly and grace, that is." That made more sense in her head before she spoke it.

Ubbe's smile remained, "Yes, I'm even more regretful now that I'm staying behind. Would've loved to see you in a fight."

"You'll see it someday. I'm sure of it." Svana reached over to give a friendly push, but her hand stayed on Ubbe's strong shoulder as the world tilted. "Oh, too much mead..."

"Do you want to leave? Go someplace else, where it's quiet?"

"Oh, Ubbe, I'm flattered, but I can't. Married and all that," she waved broadly to the left, where she thought she saw Halfdan before.

His smile dimmed but the kindness in his eyes remained, "I thought as much, but wanted to try anyway."

"Again. Flattered." She patted his shoulder, a good strong pat that made him huff out in mock pain. "But now I should leave. Mead, music, dance, my eyes are losing focus, bed is good. Bed sounds good. I'll dream of your eyes, no doubt." Or someone else's.

Ubbe's flirtatious grin reappeared and he leant forward to kiss her cheek quickly. "I'm honored to be in your dreams, shieldmaiden." With that he left, leaving her to stare after him, hungrier than ever before.

She grabbed her coat and axe from the table, clumsily pushing past people and excusing herself as she exited the Hall. Outside she draped the fur onto her shoulders and let her axe fall back onto her hip before heading out towards one of the many houses set up for Harald and his best warriors. She didn't see him because her gaze was high, set upon her destination and unwilling to see the ground move beneath her feet.

"My brothers liked you."

The voice made her stop and look around in confusion.

"Down here."

Her head swivelled to her left where Ivar was sitting against one of the guest houses, legs straightened before him.

"Why are you sitting here of all places?" She blurted out, swaying as she responded to the pull of him and stumbled over to his side, slumping down and mirroring his position, their shoulders a breath away from touching. Her mead-addled brain barely noticed how tense he got from her nearness.

"Back in the Hall, you looked at me the same way you looked at Ubbe."

Svana blinked at the hope she saw on the other's face. She tried to quiet her drunken mutterings and put together a proper response. "Well, yes. Out of all your brothers, you two are the most pleasing to my eyes. I hope I didn't cause offense or discomfort."

"No." Ivar quickly said, eyes flicking away from her. "It's just never happened before."

"What hasn't happened before?" She was missing something, surely. She found him attractive, she found Ubbe attractive, why was this so unusual for Ivar? With a handsome face, pretty eyes and strong arms, he'd surely...

Her gaze had strayed down over his body and met the harness around his legs, tying them together.

Svana remembered the stories she'd heard of the youngest son of Ragnar, born without the use of his legs, a cripple. The Boneless, Sigurd had said. Her shock at having missed such a huge detail sobered her up enough to realise it would definitely offend if her reaction was caught by Ivar. Maybe even hurt.

He wasn't used to being looked at as an attractive man, an attractive warrior, like Ubbe.

Svana calmed herself and acted as if she'd known about his legs all along. Fortunately, during her panic inside her mind, Ivar hadn't looked her way, he was instead staring off into the distance and as she eyed his face, she saw a storm gathering there, his expression growing more distant. He was trying to hide his true feelings from her, no doubt unwilling to be vulnerable.

"Never mind." He finally said and moved so suddenly, she jumped. He started to crawl away when she reacted before thinking, grabbing ahold of a foot and gently refusing him his escape.

Ivar snarled when he turned around, fury spiking up quick and unforgiving, "Release me!"

"You came here because you wanted to talk. Or ask something. Please. I'd like your company." There, that sounded friendly. She could do this. Although why she wanted him to stay so much was unclear still.

Ivar was calculating something in his head, perhaps going over the possible outcomes of staying versus going, but soon he rolled his eyes and returned to his former position, this time pushing his shoulder against hers as if to tell her 'There. You wanted me, now have me.'

"Just wanted to see if you'd look at me the same way when I wasn't sitting at a table, my legs hidden away."

"And did I? I think I did... I don't see you differently right now," Lying. "I see you as I did before." Still lying. "A handsome young man with pretty eyes and a mouth I'd like to-" Svana cleared her throat. Too truthful. "I shouldn't finish that thought," she laughed nervously.

Ivar was intrigued, a clever smile appearing that showed a lot of teeth and made Svana feel oddly more charmed than ever.

"I think you should finish that thought."

"I'm sure you can guess," Svana grumbled, nudging his shoulder with hers playfully.

Uncertainty shadowed Ivar's eyes before he shrugged and rolled his head to the side, his smirk and the slump of his body making him seem confident. Too confident. Hiding something again, she assumed.

"Of course I can," he replied, sounding self-assured and very, very young at the same time. For the first time that night, Svana wondered at his age, but thought it best not to ask. Ivar seemed unpredictable and easily provoked. And yet she was intrigued. A cripple and a son of Ragnar sounded like a hard combination to live with. No doubt there was lots of competing among all the sons and in most things, Ivar would always lose by default because of his legs. She felt for him and she admired him; to have lived this long, seen by most as a lesser man and despite of that, looking strong and in possession of a keen mind that was always calculating something, even as he was just looking for a single win over his brothers.

Because that's what this was, she realised. He'd noticed that she had specifically sought him out over the others, had complimented only him and not his brothers. He wanted to be her favorite of them all, the one she'd choose.

As silence settled around them, Ivar's jaw clenching while he waited for her to say something, she thought to herself... 'Odin, did you send me here for this? Was this why my path was suddenly forever changed, so I would find myself here in Kattegat, at this exact moment, offering comfort to Ragnar's youngest?'

The thought brought comfort. It was a destiny, something she was meant for, even if it wasn't what she wanted it to be. It was better than just being a puppet, better than just being a wife. She could be a friend. She could be needed.

With that in mind, Svana steeled herself with a silent breath before reaching out and touching her fingers to his jaw. She saw him swallow, frown but he refused to turn and look at her, which she thanked the Gods for, because the mead had left her and her courage would surely flee too if her eyes met his.

Not knowing if she was doing the right thing, if she was following her destiny or ruining her path even further, Svana leaned in closer to him, their sides completely pressed together now.

"Your mouth," she whispered against the skin of his cheek, his breathing loud in her ears, "is soft and wide," her fingers trailed upwards to ghost over his lips, which parted. "It's a mouth I'd like to..." She paused, felt his anticipation in the tenseness of his body and then grinned as she finished the thought, "Sit on."

She returned to a neutral position but left their shoulders touching. With sick pleasure, she took in his wide eyes, flushed cheeks and wonder.

Then he frowned and tilted his head, "Sit on?"

Svana bit her lower lip to hold back a laugh, not wanting him to think she was mocking him, "You haven't heard of women sitting on men's faces?"

His frown remained, "No?"

He was growing frustrated and she knew she would lose him to his anger if she let him continue thinking for too long. Svana sighed and sat up only to swing around to straddle him. Ivar thumped his head against the wall in his haste to back up.

"Easy. I'm just teaching you something about women, alright?"

His gaze was young and trusting as he nodded, hands tentatively coming up to rest on her hips. She grabbed one of them and pulled it to her crotch, placing his fingers against the core of her. Now, he looked absolutely dumbfounded as his hand twitched in her hold.

"Do you know what's between a woman's legs?"

"Yes," he replied, arrogance quickly returning, "I've seen it. Touched it."

"Have you tasted it?"

Ivar hesitated, "... No. People do that?"

"Yes. Imagine, my mouth, or any mouth really, wrapped around your cock. Warm, wet and intimate. Wouldn't you like that?"

He looked as if frightened, yet she could see the wonder. Once again she felt there was something happening here that she was missing, but she continued on, ready to finish the lesson.

"Don't you think a woman would like it too? If you kissed these lips," She pressed his hand firmer against her, "As if you'd kiss these..." She leant forward ever so slowly, giving him ample time to stop this if he didn't want it. His eyes were going wild all over her face, unable to focus on any one spot. Her lips softly grazed his and she felt his mouth purse up, meeting her kiss with a reply. She pressed down once, firm and wet before quickly pulling back.

They were both breathing hard, Ivar looking as if he'd discovered an amazing secret, so wild was his gaze.

"There. Now you know why I wanna sit on your face," she quipped lightly, giggling and slumping sideways, to rest against the wall, her chest against his shoulder this time.

There was a moment, where her stomach was falling and she felt wrong all over, sure that she had made a mistake. Ivar was tense and unmoving, eyes cold and distant. But her regret disappeared when it all seemed to fade away as he started shaking with silent laughter, mouth opening wide with a grin so blinding, she closed her eyes for a second to gather herself.

"I see," he replied with the same airy tone she'd used. "And why don't you?" He slyly asked, tongue sliding over his lower lip as if getting a taste of her and imagining how she'd taste elsewhere.

Svana kept her smile, but answered sincerely, "I would. A year ago, I would've already done it twice I imagine, but I'm married now."

"I've seen married men and women do a lot of things they shouldn't do. Never seems to stop them, if they want it bad enough." Ivar's voice went high, joking and yet serious at the same time.

"I... do not love my husband." The moment it left her lips, she felt both lighter and buried. Ivar straightened, head swaying on his neck mockingly.

"Now you're not making any sense, woman."

She smiled at the attempt at scorn. "My father was king of Rogaland. It belongs to Harald now. I... belong to Harald now. My father's life depends on my actions. As does my own."

Ivar processed this for a minute then scoffed at her, "So you're no better than a slave."

Svana could see that the word left a bad taste in his mouth, remembered the frightened girl back at the Hall and started to make some connections in her mind. Perhaps the slave had preferred his brothers, perhaps he had frightened her, perhaps...

Her mind was growing tired, yearning for sleep and yearning to be away from Ivar, who seemed to suck her into his life and his pain as if she was air and his misery were his lungs.

"I guess. But a slave you hold no power over." The point was valid. He agreed with a nod, eyes shadowed over by thoughts she was too weary to wonder about.

She'd allow him one more moment of weakness before she left. Svana moved before she could question herself, grasping his face in her hands and kissing him softly, feeling his lips part in surprise but denying herself the chance to devour him like she wished to.

She pulled back just as suddenly, smiling at his confusion, "I wish I'd met you when I was free. Truly."

Svana rose up, sobriety reminding her that Halfdan would also come this way, as would Harald or anyone else from their guest house. To be seen kissing a son of Ragnar, would surely mean saying goodbye to her father's head and maybe to her own.

As she was stepping away, Ivar spoke up again, "Would you like to meet my father?"

She turned, unamused, "Right now, I'd really just like to sleep, Ivar."

He flashed a grin at her and damn him, she was warm to the bone, "I didn't mean now. Tomorrow, once you've rested. Meet me at the Hall when the sun's at its peak." He paused, and as if suddenly realising he'd ordered rather than asked, he winced and offered a weak, "Yes?"

Svana shook her head in disbelief, "You'd seriously just invite me along to meet your father?"

"What's so strange about that?"

"Not strange, just... " She grinned at him, "Kind. You don't seem like the type to be kind."

For a brief moment, he pretended to be offended but it quickly faded away, his sly smirk making its return, "I'm not. But it's not about kindness if there's something in it for me."

She appreciated the honesty but made an exasperated face at the words themselves, "I'm too tired to figure out what you mean by that, so I'll just agree to come with you tomorrow."

"Don't be late!" he called out and turned to crawl away.

Svana stared after him for a while, head spinning at her actions, his responses.

"Allfather, am I walking true? Or am I stumbling around in the dark?" Whispered words into the night, that remained on her mind until her head hit her pillow and sleep overcame her.


	3. Fathers

**a/n:** obviously taking a lot of liberties with the show's chronology as well as the customs. and i only got the vague sense of where floki lived in season 1-3, im thinking maybe he had a second house nearer to ivar in s4 but eh, went with a cool riverhut. also; at the use of the word 'girlfriend', im not a fan of it being used in this time period, but the show used the word 'boyfriend' so i thought, ah hell, i'll go with it.

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Fathers**

Halfdan took great pleasure in waking Svana up, pushing her off the bed when she didn't respond to him shaking her. The night before had been important and for her to disappear long before the sacrifice was not only bad manners, it could bring bad luck on the voyage.

"Ah, you fucking bastard," she growled, slowly dragging herself up. He let himself admire the entire length of her as she often liked to sleep naked if the bed had enough furs to keep her warm. Halfdan admitted to himself that he was an incredibly fortunate man to have a woman like her waiting for him and a lot of the other warriors at the feast had also told him as such. But the marriage was still a dark mark upon both their lives, neither having wished for it, neither feeling a true pull to be together at all times like Harald wanted them to be. He had talked with his brother about the needlessness of these appearances but the man was King and was close to realising his dream. All he could see was the end goal and the alliances and loyalties he'd need to get there. His mind was set upon both of them getting wives that showed their standing, to have families that continued their family's legacy.

Svana had not taken with child yet, had confessed to him that she thought she couldn't for she'd been having sex with various men since she was sixteen. Halfdan, personally, considered this a blessing from the Gods, for he had no interest in having a child. Svana herself was already too much for him but at least she had her uses.

She dragged a simple dress over her head to cover herself from the chilly air and glared expectantly, "What!?"

"Why did you leave early last night?"

She scoffed, "I was drunk and horny. I thought I was doing my father a favor by leaving alone."

Halfdan sighed, understanding her reasoning and wishing he could just let her go free as they'd first discussed so he wouldn't have to deal with this angry, frustrated woman before him. Sometimes he thought Harald had arranged this on purpose as revenge for all the times Halfdan had bullied him for being so easily duped by women he fell in love with, as well as falling for every beauty he met.

"You missed the sacrifice," he pointed out, starting to get dressed. His own sleep had been brief since the night's festivities had continued until the sun's first appearance.

"Sacrifice? That also happened last night?"

He turned in disbelief but no, her shock seemed sincere.

"We talked about it on the way here as well as with Bjorn and everyone back at the Hall. That was the entire reason for the big feast!"

"Uh... I tend to not... listen to you," she shrugged and then sat on the bed with a grimace of apprehension, "Ah shit, I missed the sacrifice for our voyage. Is Harald pissed?"

"Yes. And so am I and your shieldmaidens were also looking for you, they wanted to celebrate with you. Since when can you not hold your drink?"

"I can hold my drink just fine if I'm allowed to act on what the mead tells me to do. Like kiss the nearest handsome fellow or sneak out with a Ragnarsson."

He nodded in acceptance, knowing he and the others had held nothing back last night, satisfying every lust that arose, whether it was for drink, blood or sex. Halfdan decided to let the matter go for now, Harald would no doubt torture her further about this, so he changed the subject.

"That's the second time you've mentioned them, I guess they left an impression?"

"Mm," she replied, looking away from him.

"Something wrong?" He came to stand before her so she couldn't hide her face from his gaze.

"I just... One of them... Interests me. But nothing can ever happen so I feel buried under your brother's expectations of me."

He crouched down, hands resting on her thighs and leant against her legs to look up at her earnestly, "I'd set you free from this if I could."

"Why can't you?" Svana asked quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Why can't you tell your brother to just go to Hel? You don't want to be married to me either, just divorce me and tell Harald it's what you want."

"He is my King, Svana. And you..." He chuckled, bemused by her, "You're just a woman. He'll always be my brother. In everything, I will always pick him over you. This marriage doesn't bury me as it buries you and for that I'm sorry. But nothing will change so just try to accept it and try to be happy with it." He stood up and caressed her hair softly, ignoring the silent tear that had escaped one of the eyes currently glaring at him. "I promise to treat you well and with respect. It's better than some women get."

Figuring he'd done all he could to make her see sense, he left to find his brother. The preparations for their trip continued and soon they would be off to the distant shores he'd always dreamed about. And perhaps some conquest and blood would settle Svana further into her role in the kingdom Harald had built.

* * *

With a tousled loosely-tied braid, red-rimmed eyes and a pounding head she made her way to the Great Hall. Svana felt absolutely mortified. The whole day before she had been so obsessed over her hardships, her hunger for sex and her thirst for mead, she had forgotten a sacred act and hadn't gotten a blessing for the voyage. If Odin hadn't already forsaken her, he surely would now. She was incredibly nervous about meeting with King Harald so she decided not to. Someone else was also waiting for her and she was eager for a distraction from her embarrassment.

Right before the entrance, she patted at the simple farmer's dress she wore on warmer days when she didn't feel like pulling on her leathers and checked the knot on her cloak's neck to make sure it wouldn't fall. The realisation that she was acting as if meeting a suitor made her stop fussing and head in.

Three of the brothers were there along with the Queen. Bjorn and Hvitserk were standing before Aslaug, discussing something with her in low tones while Ivar lounged in the tall chair next to hers, looking bored.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Queen Aslaug," she interrupted their conversation, hoping Ivar would just quickly crawl to her and they'd leave but instead they all stared at her with varying degrees of judgement.

She guessed by now even if they hadn't noticed her absence, the rumor of it would be flowing freely from the mouths of Harald's men. Her shieldmaidens she trusted to keep their silence about Svana's affairs.

"Svana, we were sad to see you absent during the sacrifice, did you feel unwell?"

She grasped at the Queen's peace offering, "Yes, your mead is a lot stronger than Rogaland's. I'm afraid I felt sick and had to retire earlier than planned." There, that sounded much better than 'oh I completely forgot that was even happening now that my love life is in shambles'.

Aslaug smiled at her kindly and the other three relaxed as well. Hvitserk even came towards her with an eager grin so wide, it almost closed his eyes shut.

"I'm heading out with Ubbe and Sigurd for more training before our journey, would you like to come? I'm sure you could teach me something they haven't."

His enthusiasm caused her to smile even as she turned him down, "I'm afraid my day is already spoken for, I would've loved to otherwise. But since we're journeying together, I can teach you things on the way."

He deflated a little, "Oh. Well, I guess that's true. Just thought that I'd give Ubbe a nice surprise."

Svana shook her head at his sly wink, "Go play matchmaker with someone who's not married, Hvitserk."

Bjorn came to stand next to his brother, curious, "So who is blessed with your company today, if I may ask?" The word 'blessed' almost sounded like a jab at her having missed the sacrifice, although the interest in his face looked sincere so Svana decided to just ignore it.

She glanced through the space between the two at Ivar who was still sitting, staring straight ahead at nothing, appearing disinterested in their conversation. But she knew he was listening from the slight upturn of his lips. He wanted her to say it, to approach him. It was another game for the men, another way to show her off but this time she found herself not minding it so much. She'd be Ivar's trophy for the day, at least he let her make the choice on her own.

Svana smiled at the brothers secretively before walking around them to stand before Ivar.

"I'm sorry that I'm late."

He didn't immediately respond, making her wonder if he hadn't expected her to actually apologize.

"It is alright," he finally said with a shrug. "I imagine your head must be hurting," he smirked, knowing exactly the state she'd went to bed in.

"I'm ready to go now if you are?"

"I've been ready since the sun hit its peak," he bragged, dragging himself to the floor. Queen Aslaug smiled at them both encouragingly, drinking from the goblet that Svana was beginning to think was forever attached to her hand. As she settled her pace to match his crawling, they headed for the entrance, taking in the expressions on Hvitserk and Bjorn's faces on the way.

"Ivar, you dog!" Hvitserk shouted, leaning down to thump his crawling brother on the back.

Svana gave a friendly shove in return, Ivar resting on one hip to watch, "It's not like that!" She laughed as Hvitserk threw an arm around her neck. "For the last time, I'll remind you that I'm married," she grunted out, elbowing him in the stomach. Hvitserk let out a loud 'oof', releasing her immediately. "It'll be a day spent among friends," she finished and smiled triumphantly when Hvitserk raised his hands in surrender.

"Ivar doesn't have friends," Bjorn's voice cut through the cheerful mood.

"Bjorn," Aslaug warned softly.

She quickly took in the sudden tension in the room, Bjorn looking unapologetic, Hvitserk uncomfortable and Ivar... Ivar wasn't looking at anyone, was staring at the ground with a grin that chilled her as it screamed for blood. There was so much anger in him, she wondered how no one else could see the darkness it would bring if not reigned in.

"Perhaps you're right and he doesn't have friends," her voice boldly cut through the silence. Ivar's grin turned into a clenched expression of shame. "But as of now, he does have _one_." She rewarded Ivar with a smile when he finally looked up to stare at her in wonder.

He quickly hid the emotion, regaining the confident swagger she'd seen the night before and smirked at his brothers before crawling away.

Bjorn's eyebrows were raised but he didn't seem all that bothered by her response while Hvitserk was looking at her differently, with suspicion. Svana was starting to get the idea that Hvitserk most likely did care for Ivar, for all his brothers, but he still couldn't see why she would want to spend time with a cripple. She frowned at him for thinking she had ulterior motives and followed Ivar.

* * *

Ivar was leading so she'd expected to be moving rather slowly, yet his fierce crawling dragged him smoothly along the rocks and uneven ground while Svana kept stopping to pull her dress out of bushes, unused to travelling in a forest without her leathers.

At one point he turned to rest for a bit against a large rock, breathlessly laughing at her hiking up her dress in frustration.

Svana saw his smile turn thoughtful as his eyes wandered down to the bare skin she was showing.

"Hmm."

"Ivar, my eyes are up here," she chastised but not seriously, enjoying his interest.

"Yes, way, way up there, while your legs are down here," he waved his hand at the space between them, "Much easier for my neck to look straight ahead, yes?" Mischievously, he continued to stare at her even as she quickly walked towards him. When she stepped up to place her feet on either side of his legs, he finally looked up. Svana cursed the Gods for giving him those eyes, for giving him that mouth and she cursed them for making her so weak. She gave into her desires and crouched down to bring her face closer, to see his features soften in want.

"There, now my eyes are at your level," she smiled at him wickedly, glad to see him return it.

"I'd rather you stay down here with me, teach me more things about women," he quipped, eyes wide as he took in the effect he had on her, because she knew he could see it, she wasn't even trying to hide it.

Svana wet her lips, gaze flicking down to see his tongue peeking out from his parted mouth. Her resolve was weakening and Ivar's grin was growing, as the fight was no doubt clearly shown on her face.

She cursed everyone and everything and hissed at him sharply, standing up to walk backwards a few paces, "Don't tempt me, Ivar."

He laughed fully and the sound of it made her flush in appreciation, "Am I that tempting?"

"You are to me," she admitted and he grew somber, that familiar thoughtful look upon his face as blue eyes stared into nothing.

"Mm."

Wanting to get him out of his head, she kicked a rock towards his legs, causing him to flinch and look at her in surprise.

"How far is your father? Where are we even going?"

"To Floki's."

"Ah, and is it far?"

"Thank you," he looked as if he regretted saying it as soon as it was past his lips.

Svana was unsettled at the sudden change in their conversation, "Whatever for?"

Ivar flexed his shoulders, looking anywhere but at her, "For saying what you did back there. My brothers... they did not believe me."

A chill crawled up along her spine. "Believe you about what? What did you tell them?"

"Not about your unfaithfulness or anything about your marriage." Ivar glared at her with a mocking smile

She relaxed, nodding in appreciation, "Alright. Then what?"

"That I was your favorite," his arrogance reappeared as he met her eyes, daring her to deny it.

Svana laughed at his confidence and also at herself for she truly had made it all too clear in just one night who she favored among them. She could accuse the mead, or put the blame on the Gods but in the end, it was just her weakness for strength. And despite what many believed, Ivar was obviously strong, stronger than many of the warriors getting ready to sail to the Mediterranean.

"I do not deny it but you shouldn't brag about it so," she cautioned.

"Why? You are a beautiful woman, free in their eyes. Your interest gives me honor," he said, gesturing with his head as he grew agitated.

"Because these are dangerous times, Ivar. Harald's ambitions are great and I am tangled up in them. Being my favorite in any way might not be a good thing right now."

"I don't care about your King," he scoffed. "And one day I will get you released from your prison."

Svana drew in a sharp breath, "You shouldn't be-"

"I promise," he finished, glare and jaw set.

She considered arguing but didn't see the point. Ivar was too caught up in his own world, probably didn't realise how important of a man Harald truly was or how easily his respect for King Ragnar's legacy could disappear if it hindered him in achieving his goal.

"But we've wasted enough time, come, Floki's house is close." With that, he turned to start crawling again, Svana staring after him with raised brows; she hadn't been the one to drag on the conversation after all. Sighing, she gathered up her dress and followed him.

* * *

Floki's home resided further from Kattegat than she'd thought, down by the river where she guessed he could build his boats and catch his own fish in peace. As they neared, a blonde-haired woman greeted Ivar with a wave and then turned to shout, "Ragnar! Floki! Ivar's here!"

The two men on the docks turned as one and Svana stumbled at her first sight of Ragnar Lothbrok, the legendary viking to lead them all west.

"Don't fall for my father now," Ivar shot over his shoulder and Svana leant down to swat at him, laughing when he grabbed a leg in retaliation and tried to pull it out from under her.

"Svana! What brings you?" Floki yelled as he ran up to them, interrupting their struggle. She straightened and grasped his arm in greeting. They had met briefly when Harald had presented her the ships Floki had built and she had great respect for him since his craftsmanship was unmatched.

Behind him came Ragnar with a swagger she recognised as wariness rather than arrogance.

"I've brought her to meet father," Ivar explained, sending a smug look towards Ragnar, who took all of them in with his brows raised high.

"Who is this then? Your girlfriend? If so, I approve," he leered and Ivar smiled but turned his head downwards, obviously unhappy that his father's guess wasn't the truth.

She stepped forward and offered out her arm, introducing herself formally, "I am Svana, the shieldmaiden of Rogaland and the wife of Halfdan the Black, brother of King Harald."

Ragnar didn't immediately return her greeting, smirking thoughtfully, "That's a lot of big names. You sound important."

"She is, Ragnar. She leads a hundred of Harald's finest shieldmaidens." Floki giggled suddenly, pointing at her with a limp wrist, "She's like a young Lagertha!"

It irked her to hear her warriors be claimed by Harald in such a way, when before they were her father's, but she hid it. "I am honored by the comparison."

Ragnar seemed to be disarmed by Floki's respect for her, finally grasping her arm. But he suddenly pulled her up against him and gazed at her face up close. In the back of her mind she was amazed that she was taller than the man who claimed to be a descendant of Odin, but she quickly chastised herself; for height mattered not in the might of men.

"You're very beautiful as well, Svana, just like my first wife. I agree with Floki," he declared proudly.

She flushed at seeing those blue eyes so close to her own but pulled back respectfully. "Again, I'm honored."

"Would you stop being such a lecherous old man?"

She gasped at the insult, glancing at Ivar's disapproving frown. But Floki and Ragnar didn't seem to take it seriously, the first bursting into peels of giggles and the latter staring at his son in amazement.

"Oh have you set your sights upon a married woman, my son?" He crouched down to mess up Ivar's hair, who tolerated it with a grimace. "You should set your sights lower, cripple boy."

"Much lower," Floki added with a grin.

Svana steeled herself, sure that Ivar's anger would flow like the river at such insults but she was surprised to see him grinning wryly at them both. His arm shot out to push his father away from him, Ragnar falling onto his ass with a soft 'oof' and then he addressed Floki, "At least I'm not an old knock-kneed fool like you."

She let out a soft sigh, realising that Ivar wasn't as sensitive about his legs as she'd thought. He could obviously tell the difference between good-natured banter and someone using those insults just for the sake of being mean.

Ragnar chuckled softly, accepting Floki's offer to pull him up.

"So really, Ivar," Floki spoke up, "Why did you bring her here?"

Seems like she wasn't the only one who couldn't see Ivar being kind for no reason.

He tilted his head, putting on an air of indifference, "I thought you might like to ask her to come to England with you."

Svana's breath left her in surprise, while Floki grew somber, shaking his head in sadness.

Ragnar, however, seemed intrigued. "You think Harald would let her come with me?"

"I think if you offered her father protection under your name, she could do anything she wanted to. Including divorcing her husband." Ivar said all of this lightly, as if he wasn't speaking of dangerous treachery.

Ragnar's eyes missed nothing as they took in her reaction, "I don't think my name holds as much power as you think it does." He smiled in thought, pointing at her as he remembered, "Of Rogaland, you said."

"Yes," she confirmed quietly.

She could see him come to understand everything, why she wanted a divorce, why she was loyal to Harald, why Ivar had mentioned her father. Floki connected the dots anyway by saying, "She's the former King's daughter."

Ragnar nodded with pity in his eyes. Svana felt stripped bare and very much wanted to swat at Ivar with all her strength this time for bringing her here and revealing her life to this man without her consent.

"Will you not even try?" Ivar prompted, deeply set on this idea no matter how much Floki shook his head at him.

Ragnar aimed his pity at his son and Svana could immediately tell from Ivar's thunderous expression that it was the wrong thing to do, "I left, Ivar. As soon as I left, I lost the power to-"

"Then what good are you!?" Ivar shouted, throwing a patch of dirt at his father. "Why did you even bother coming back!?"

"Ivar, please," she stressed. "I am thankful you thought of trying to help me, but it is not in your power to do so-"

"You don't know what is in my power!" He gestured at her angrily. He quickly deflated at her plain unease and looked down, breathing deeply. With a growl of frustration, he turned and crawled back the way they'd came.

Svana was left standing there to tolerate the pity aimed at her.

"I'm sorry, Svana. I can try-"

"No," she interrupted Ragnar. "You can't protect my father. Only I can." She nodded at them both in farewell and left.

She quickly caught up to Ivar because of her angry strides but she didn't move in front of him to block his path until they were out of eyesight from Floki's.

Ivar snarled at her and she ignored it, moving swiftly as she grabbed him by his collar and threw him onto his back, straddling his waist harshly enough that his breath left him before grasping his neck and leaning down over his face.

"You do _not_ tell other people, of _my_ life, without my permission," she whispered, squeezing down. Ivar glared back, stubborn, but his arms remained at his sides, not retaliating in any way.

As soon as she realised he was letting her harm him without a fight she let go, growling. She'd wanted a fight, not a victim. Svana sat up, resting her full weight on his stomach, enjoying his discomfort.

"It was worth a try," he said, tone light and apologetic, most likely the only form of an apology she'd get from him.

"Was it?" She asked, voice full of the tears she was holding back. "I used to feel like I was in charge of everything in my life. I used to make my own decisions and now, when I'm a puppet to the man who invaded my homeland, you want to take away what little control I have left!" Suddenly furious, she lifted a hand to strike him but he caught it and used it to pull himself up so they were pressed together.

Fury left her as suddenly as it came, morphing into a familiar hunger. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her and for a moment she responded with passion.

Disappointed at her own weakness, she violently pushed him down again, fleetingly feeling guilty at his grimace of pain. "Don't try to distract me from my anger."

"Isn't that what you do to me?"

Her violent thoughts halted, hearing the truth in those words. She slumped over him, hands resting beside his head, as he continued talking.

"I am so angry, all the time. And sometimes I wish I wasn't, because I can see that it makes it hard for people to love me."

"Justified anger cannot be rid of so easily," she whispered, liking the way his features softened at her acknowledging all of the unspoken reasons for his rage.

"But it's hard to live with. It burns." His voice was quiet, high and gentle like she hadn't heard it before. His face showed the struggle on his mind, doubting his decision to reveal this side of himself.

Svana nodded, her heart aching for him, "My anger is usually gone before night falls," she admitted, sharing something of herself in return even though it held no equal value to the insight into his mind she'd just received.

"Oh good, I'll be your favorite again soon enough," his grin looked too sharp to be sincere but she appreciated the attempt and laughed, sitting up and shaking away the tension in her arms.

This time, when he followed her up to hold her, she returned his embrace but turned her head to touch their cheeks together, fearing the eroding power his kisses would have over her constraint.

"You walk in here, showering me with all this attention and I'm just supposed to let you go again? Can you see why I had to try?" He spoke softly, hands trailing along her hair.

"I can. But letting me go is exactly what you have to do."

Ivar dropped his hands behind him so he could lean back and see her face, "Why? I don't want to."

The laugh that escaped her was grim, humorless, "The world doesn't care what we want. The world revolves around Kings and Queens and their ambitions and desires."

"Then I'll make you Queen one day," he grinned and she groaned at his insistence to be aggravating, trying to pull away but once again stopped by arms wrapping around her waist.

"I don't want to be Queen, Ivar. I want to be free," she pointed out to him, leaning her head back when he tried to steal a kiss.

"Who is freer than a Queen?" He asked, sincerely confused at her reluctance.

"Someone who isn't weighed down by other people's expectations of her," she replied smartly, removing his arms with force so she could stand up.

Ivar seemed to mull over her answer before his head swayed in agreement, "Huh."

"I'm going to go see my King now," this made him look up at her in obvious disapproval but she continued before he could say anything snide, "I have to and you have to accept that. I'll see you again tomorrow." When he cast his eyes away in disbelief, she softly added, "I promise." His shoulders tensed before he nodded.

With a heavier heart than she woke up with, she headed back towards the town, unsettled from everything that had just happened.

* * *

Halfdan could barely look her in the eye when she approached the men shouting out instructions on the docks. He quickly intercepted her path to Harald, grasping her arm and pulling her towards a man she immediately recognised.

"Endre!"

His father's oldest slave stood straighter at the sight of her and laughed in surprise as she embraced him warmly.

"What news of my father?" She asked, already having figured out his reason for being there. She sent a grateful nod at Halfdan but to her confusion, her husband just shook his head and left them to talk.

"I bring a message from your father and he hopes to receive one in return."

Svana gestured at Endre to relay the message. The slave looked around them fearfully, before stepping closer and whispering, "Your father begs you to heed Harald's orders. He's surrounded by the King's men day and night and has been made aware that one misstep from you would mean the loss of his life. The people are unsettled by this, but the man in charge of the guards told your father that they would pull back once Harald was assured of your loyalty."

The words were nothing new, nothing she didn't know or couldn't guess but knowing they came straight from her own father made them feel like chains wrapping around her lungs.

Endre was staring at her, his wrinkled old face scared and expectant.

"Tell my father..." She laughed scornfully at herself, at how much hope she'd somehow still stored away in her mind. It was time to let all of it go, for good. "I will do whatever it takes to prove my loyalty and to ensure his life will continue untroubled by the new order."

Endre smiled wanly, touching a gentle hand to her elbow before leaving her, obviously hasty to return back home, far away from Harald and his men.

Because of the hollow feeling in her chest, it took her longer to notice the change in the air than it should've. Svana turned around to see people staring in various degrees of awe, respect and judgement at the figure swaggering over towards King Harald.

She made a soft sound of dismay as Ragnar greeted her King and quickly hurried over to them.

"-you've taken everyone else, good King, including my own sons. Wouldn't you allow me this one favor, as a sign of friendship between us."

Too late.

Harald's eyes were a quiet fury, Halfdan beside him met Svana's wide-eyed gaze with one of pure alarm.

"Svana, glad you could join us," Harald's laughter was dry, joyless. "King Ragnar here is asking for my permission to let you go to England with him, with half of your warriors as well."

"I-"

"It makes me wonder why he would even consider you as an option, my dear Svana. Surely you want to go where your husband goes."

She didn't know how to reply so she glanced at Ragnar and was broken by the absolute lack of concern on his cunning face. This man didn't care about her plight, didn't even care that his son had made this request, he was clearly seeking out an opportunity for his own gains; warriors to join his raid. He further proved this with his next words.

"If Svana can't come, I understand. Perhaps some of her shieldmaidens then, I've heard great things about them and would be honored to have even a few join my crew."

Harald was grinning cruelly at them both, enjoying his position of power, "I'm afraid, dear King, I will have to refuse your request. We are sailing into unknown lands and every free woman and man is a welcome addition. If you'd wait for us to return, I'm sure more than half of us would gladly join you in your raid to England."

Ragnar's eyes closed as he smiled wryly, "I'm not that patient," he admitted.

"And Svana of course cannot sail anywhere now," Harald continued as if Ragnar wasn't even there.

She frowned, "Anywhere?"

"You would be by my side, by my brother's side and you'd be leading a hundred fine warriors. All without the Gods' blessing. No, dear Svana, you're staying here. I've already talked with Queen Aslaug and she welcomes you to help defend her kingdom alongside her son Ubbe."

It was an irrational reason, a ridiculous one. People had never been left behind before just for missing out on the sacrificial bloodletting. But his reasoning would stand for it was a slight in everyone's eyes, a slight towards the Gods and it might invite their punishment upon her. The risk was small, but if the King said it shouldn't be taken then no one would argue.

She met Halfdan's apologetic stare. Not even her husband.

Her father's message still ringing in her ears, she swallowed her protests and nodded. "I understand, King."

Harald seemed surprised at her quick acquiescence but accepted it with a smile. "You'll help us bring our two kingdoms closer together, isn't that right, King Ragnar?"

Ragnar was glancing between them, eyes slitted with suspicion but he forced a smile in return, "Of course, King Harald. Shieldmaidens are always welcome in Kattegat," he winked at her as he turned to walk away and she forced down the urge to spit at his feet.

"Svana, it's late. Go to our bed, I'll join you soon."

She glared at Halfdan for his betrayal. Never had he ordered her around like this. She took in Harald's gloating and the men's quiet disapproval of her around them and she tore her pride down as low as it would go.

"Yes, _husband_ ," she enjoyed his obvious distaste at the word as a small victory before obeying his command.

In their bed, mind swirling too fast for her to sleep, she found a small amount of comfort at the fact that at least she'd have more time to spend with Ivar.

* * *

 **a/n:** except we know better, hah! since svana obviously sees lagertha as the best woman she knows, as a hero and a role model, i need her to see the upcoming events with her own eyes, otherwise it would make no sense for her to support ivar's rage against lagertha. writing is starting to feel a little smoother, although when i re-read what i've written, it still sounds pretty rough. to those, that are reading and following, i thank you for joining me on this journey, hopefully i'll be getting better with each chapter.


	4. Sail

**a/n:** thanks for the continued interest! i'm just gonna push forward and try to get this thing done before the new episodes air. i have a lot of things i already want to change/add/rewrite (Birgitte is an actual character in my head that has still not yet appeared, i shame myself, i do) but that's best left for the break i'm gonna take once s5b is ours to devour. i'm obviously playing around loosely with what i remember from s4b, gosh that was a while ago now.

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Sail**

Early in the morning she helped her husband pack and told him who she trusted out of her warriors the most to be put in charge in her stead; a woman named Birgitte, who she had grown up with in Rogaland and who the other women would follow without question. She felt sympathy for the shock Birgitte would feel at the change and guilty that she couldn't bring herself to be there when it was revealed. Halfdan didn't ask her to join him at the docks, sensing her need to be alone. She had no desire to see all of them leave her behind as they sailed away to do what she'd always dreamed of doing.

She threw her dresses into one of her chests and pulled on her battle leathers. Now that she wasn't a raider nor a wife, she would be what she'd always been. A shieldmaiden, a defender of a kingdom.

Except this time, she'd be defending _Ragnar's_ kingdom, the thought of which left a bad taste in her mouth.

She pulled her hair high and tied it up, then found one of the slaves in charge of cleaning the guest houses and asked her to braid it tightly. Fortunately, the girl had nimble fingers and experience in braiding.

With her shield fixed onto her back and her axe swinging on her hip, she headed out to find the warriors still left in Kattegat. She had questions about the defenses that she wanted answers to before she'd talk to Ubbe.

If they wanted her to do this job, she would do it to the best of her abilities. She just hoped Ubbe wasn't one of the pigheaded men who'd refuse to share the duty. Aslaug, herself, may have just intended the position to be a sign of respect and nothing else. Too bad; Svana would put her heart into it. For her heart had nothing better to do.

As she walked the streets, she did her best to think of the city as her home and took in the defenseless buildings as well as the lack of armed people to keep order. In some ways, she was glad to see that there was much work to do, since it would all be a distraction from everything else.

She avoided the docks, could see from afar that the ships had set out but the crowd was still there, waving and shouting good fortunes at their friends and families. Instead, she inspected the outer regions of the city, amazed at how vulnerable Kattegat truly was.

As she explored the nearby woods, she came upon what she guessed to be the Ragnarssons' play area. Targets, bows, axes and shields - everything a boy would need to teach himself to fight. A bit further from the training area, she found a cabin which she didn't go near, again guessing it to belong to the brothers or someone at least.

The sun was a few hours away from setting when she went back downhill to buy some food at the square, filling her empty stomach with freshly baked bread and some kind of meat that was seasoned with foreign spices.

"Here, to wash it down. That stuff burns hot on your tongue."

She accepted the goblet of water gratefully, relishing at the coldness battling with the foreign sting in her mouth. Coughing, she greeted the warrior who'd shown her a small kindness.

"My thanks. I'm Svana."

"Gertrud," the older woman smiled. "Ubbe is looking for you."

"Ah. Good. Where is he?"

"I'll lead the way."

Svana followed Gertrud towards the shore, already noticing Ubbe's tall cloaked figure from far away. He was facing the ships that were starting to disappear behind the horizon, but turned as soon as they got within earshot.

"Svana, I hear you've been busy."

Under the judgmental gaze of Aslaug's eldest, she felt chastised for diving into her new duty. But never a woman to back down from a challenge, least of all one presented by a man, she straightened herself up and managed to look down on him from her slight advantage of height.

"I've been busy looking at your defenses. Or should I say, your lack of them."

Gertrud's elderly face showed her discomfort at the tension erupting between them so Svana wasn't surprised when the woman just turned and left.

Ubbe looked away first, laughing arrogantly, "Our defenses have been fine for all this time. Why change it now, when most of our strongest are gone anyway?"

"That's a ridiculous excuse."

"It's my mother's. And she is Queen." He turned his gaze back to her, a meaningful frown on his handsome face. She ignored his unspoken plea to let it go.

"I'd like to talk to her then, if she's the one leaving this place open for anyone who'd like to stake claim."

"Who would dare invade Ragnar Lothbrok's kingdom?"

"His name doesn't hold as much power anymore; he said so himself."

Ubbe narrowed his eyes, "You've spoken to my father?"

"Ivar introduced me."

His head lowered as he grinned sharply, "Ivar. You and him have grown close very fast. You've only been here for a few days."

"It seems he doesn't need much to be taken with someone. All it took was for me to choose him over you."

"Yes, exactly." Ubbe's pointed look was accusing. Svana hummed low in frustration. She came to stand closer to him, speaking softer to avoid being overheard.

"Whatever motivations you think me to have, you are wrong."

"Then what motivations _do_ you have? Ivar is different, he's dangerous, but he's still my brother. And I will not have his heart toyed with."

"He knows what I can give him, what I cannot. I offer friendship, nothing more. And I have nothing to gain here, except further mistrust from my King, so honestly, you can call me a fool but you can't call me ambitious." She hoped the words would land, that Ubbe would see her sincerity. His face was shadowed by thoughts unclear to her, but he finally nodded in acceptance.

"Fine," he said sharply. "But on the matter of defenses, I urge you to leave my mother be. She is currently... unstable," he admitted this with a wince, clearly disliking the need to reveal this to her.

"Unstable? Is it because of Hvitserk leaving for the first time?" Remembering how friendly Hvitserk had been, she sent a quick prayer to the Gods for his safe return. And then remembered the Gods might very well be angry with her and wished she could go back in time to the day she'd arrived. She'd attend the sacrifice and she'd stay far away from all sons of Ragnar and then she'd be raiding, fulfilling her lifelong dream, not left behind on dry land, daydreaming about sharp blue eyes and a high voice, crisp with anger.

"No. As always, our mother's life revolves around Ivar." As soon as it slipped past his lips, he grimaced, "Don't tell anyone I said that."

"I'm no gossip, Ubbe, but you should refrain from revealing such things to me if you don't trust me."

He looked at her carefully, "I know I shouldn't trust you but you have quite a presence."

She raised her brow in silent query.

"Honesty. Integrity. Those are the words that I'd associate with you."

"You don't know me," she reminded him.

"I know the stories about you. I know what Halfdan and Harald shared of how you stood up against their large army in defense of your land. I also know how you offered your hand freely in exchange for your father's life. You're loyal to your home and your family. Those are things I can agree with, things we have in common."

"Well now you're just trying to get me to swoon," she remarked dryly, wary of how easily they went from exchanging glares to speaking amicably.

Ubbe huffed out a laugh, crossing his arms under his cloak defensively, "I might be but I know you're not the kind of woman to do that. I also know of your circumstances, so I won't put that kind of pressure on you. Unlike Ivar, I can see how that would put you in a difficult position."

"You seem to know much. Too much." She frowned suspiciously.

"Halfdan and Harald revealed most of it with how they spoke of you, kept their eye on you. How Ivar talked about you revealed the rest. I just made my own conclusions and now you've confirmed them."

"I have a great urge to hit you with something blunt and heavy," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Are all of Ragnar's sons so _smart_?" She managed to make the word sound like an insult.

Ubbe seemed delighted, "Oh no. Ivar's the most cunning, no doubt about that. Bjorn has the most experience in life, so he's wise in other ways. I'm only this clever when I'm really, _really_ intrigued by the subject."

"And Sigurd and Hvitserk?" She prodded, interested in the comparisons.

"A lover of music and a hotheaded fool," Ubbe surmised.

"That sounds harsh," she chuckled at the bluntness.

Ubbe grinned, "Of course I'm joking, my brothers are all very different and they have many sides to them."

"And speaking of brothers, why is your mother upset about Ivar?" Surely it couldn't be something related to his health. He had been perfectly fine the day before.

"He's going to England."

"Oh." To say that was an unexpected answer was putting it lightly.

"You didn't like hearing that," Ubbe noted calmly.

"No," she admitted. She looked away towards the disappearing ships, mind in quiet turmoil. This moment of honesty between them urged her to voice her thoughts, "I thought I'd gotten a purpose, however small, when I met Ivar and felt even more certain when I was told to stay. Now, my path separates from his. And I feel like a fool." She laughed grimly. "A fool abandoned by the Gods."

"Your path could be your own, no? Why does it have to be with someone?"

"Staying here doesn't feel like fate, it feels like punishment."

"One can never know what the Gods have in store for us."

She smirked, glancing at him standing there, looking so proud and self-assured. "That is often said by people who have lost their way, but wish to find meaning in their life still."

Ubbe let out a surprised chuckle, "Well said."

"So." She cleared her throat, hesitant at discussing the subject further, "Your mother doesn't want Ivar to go."

"To be honest, none of us do. We all worry for him."

"But she can't really keep him from going, can she?"

Ubbe shook his head, "No, Ivar is going. And we all just have to hope that he comes back."

"Pray to the Gods, you mean," she joked. He nodded, grinning. They shared a moment of silence, eyes on the horizon until all of the ships had completely disappeared.

"Is there something else you'd like to see today?" He asked, turning towards her expectantly.

She sighed, realising her ideas for defenses would have to wait. Ivar would also be busy with preparations and Sigurd hadn't actually caught her interest at all. Ubbe was offering company and she suddenly craved for it.

"I found a little training area in the woods. I presumed it belonged to you?"

Ubbe nodded, brows raised.

"How about we go and compare skills. I'm keen to find out if I can best you at something."

He laughed and clapped her on the shoulder, "I knew we'd get along just fine. Although, I have a feeling I'll be landing on my ass soon enough."

She chuckled, put at ease by his good mood. "You flatter."

"Oh no, my lady. I fear." But the word was accompanied by a smug smile, clearly aware of how quickly she'd warmed up to him.

"Let's go then. Before it is too dark for you to see me gloating over you."

"And after," he spoke as they started walking side-by-side, "You are welcome to have dinner with us. It will be just our family and you."

"Sounds intimidating."

"Wasn't intended as such."

She hummed in thought, "When is Ragnar heading out?"

"Tomorrow. His impatience is going to cost him dearly, mark my words."

Svana had seen that impatience herself, when Ragnar had asked for scraps from a rival King.

"Then perhaps today is best spent among family alone. I'm sure Queen Aslaug would agree with me. Was your invitation even sanctioned by her?"

Ubbe shrugged, "No, but that's because it came from me, personally. I also thought you and Ivar would like to say goodbye."

"Maybe it's good we get some distance, I feel... drawn to him, true. But we've only known each other for a few days, we know nothing about each other's lives before I came here. Family should always come first. I can say goodbye at the docks."

A hand on her arm made her stop and meet Ubbe's considering stare, "Ivar has never had a friend before. No matter how brief your time spent together, he will treasure it and you."

"I'm not looking for words of comfort," she chuckled softly. "I guess hearing my only friend in this place is leaving has made me realise that I should make more friends." She nudged him mischievously. "Yes?"

Ubbe's sharp laughter rang out around them, drawing eyes towards their tall figures.

"I will be your friend if you can beat me in single combat."

Svana's smiled evilly, "Then I'll have a new friend before the day is done."

* * *

They started with archery to ease into the competitive mindset. Ubbe's three arrows each hit the head of the target while two of Svana's went too low and hit the chest instead. His gloating grin made her move to punch his shoulder, but he just laughed as he dodged the sloppy strike, running away gleefully in victory.

"Gonna have to do better than that, shieldmaiden."

"I'm the one yelling 'Loose!' so of course I've gotten bad at using a bow," she pouted at him.

"Oh come on, that wasn't _bad_ and you know it. I was just better," he shrugged cockily.

"No one can best me at throwing axes, though," she pulled her axe from her hip and pointed it at him threateningly.

"Woah, woah," he grinned, holding his hands up, "Target is over there, my lady."

Svana rolled her eyes at what she realised was becoming a term of endearment before turning to swiftly raise her right arm as she aimed and then released the axe mid-swing, the target almost falling over as the weapon slammed into the head.

Ubbe whistled low in surprise, "That's a mighty throw."

"That's nothing. My left arm, that carries my shield, would have broken your little toy man there."

He shook his head, snickering at her boast but not questioning it. His own throw went too low, the axe hitting the waist but still with enough strength to cause the target to wobble.

"Not bad. Aim was shit, but strength was good."

Ubbe scoffed, "Aim was fine, that would have killed a regular man."

"Mm, but we're comparing skills, aren't we?"

"The only skill that we need to compare is single combat so grab your shield and show me if all the stories are true."

Svana relaxed into her battle stance, legs spread, knees bent, shield up and in front of her body, axe raised by her side.

"Don't let this be too easy of a win or I'll be bored."

Ubbe's grin morphed into a battle-ready leer before he charged at her, shield first. She leaned forward, bracing herself for the slam of their shields, quickly pushing with all her power to put Ubbe out of balance, before slamming at his left leg with the back of her axe. He managed to block the axe, but was still off-balance so she quickly pivoted to her left, using the force of the movement to slam her shield against his again. He almost fell down.

He backed up a bit, shaking his axe at her in warning, "You're quicker than I thought you'd be."

She smiled sweetly, "Light on my feet, remember?"

He laughed before shaking his head and readying himself. She noted the change in his stance, no longer prepared to charge but to defend, putting them at equal footing, shields high and axes ready.

Svana stepped closer, grinning when he did the same. She jumped towards him to slam their shields together, forcing them away from their defensive positions and swung fast with her axe. Again, he blocked it with ease, kicking out with a leg and hitting her thigh, causing her to stumble. She grunted but quickly regained her balance to block his next swing with her shield, dropping low to catch him off guard and then slammed her shield up high, hitting him in the face.

"Fuck!" He hissed, dropping back to shake his head, nose bleeding.

"Give up?" She taunted and dropped her shield.

Ubbe narrowed his eyes at her, "Pick up your shield."

"No. I can beat you without it," she bared her teeth, laughing when he growled at her.

He charged again this time, frustrated and in pain, and she stood still until he was close enough to grab before spinning away from him, slamming an elbow into his back.

He stopped his charge and winced at the pain in his spine, turning to glare at her. She shrugged innocently. "You made the mistake of running in foolishly. How else will you learn?"

Ubbe twirled his axe, licking away the blood flowing from his nose before he also threw away his shield.

"With your speed, it feels like a hindrance," he explained.

She tilted her head in consideration, "Only if you move faster without it."

He laughed, outraged, "Come and show me how you charge, then."

She gripped her axe and walked up to him fast with bent knees, he quickly took a defensive stance to brace himself for her blows but the swing with her axe was a feint. As he blocked it, she twirled her hilt around, twisting his weapon out of his hand and threw both of the axes away, grabbed him by his collar and pulled him forward. As he lost his balance, she kicked one of his feet out from under him and quickly turned around, throwing his weight over her hip.

He landed, quite beautifully, on his ass.

"It seems I've made a new friend," she boasted breathlessly.

Ubbe stared up at the sky for a moment in a daze before he chortled. He accepted her arm and let himself be pulled up, also patiently enduring her fussing over his face as she sat him on a stump and examined his nose.

"Not broken," she sighed in relief. "I won't have to fear death by angry young women for ruining that handsome face of yours."

His teeth were covered in blood as he grinned, upper lip red and grimy and yet he still managed to look charming.

"Imagine their anger if you were to leave my room at dawn."

She slapped him on the shoulder, "Why imagine something that's never going to happen?"

"You mean, because you're Ivar's."

 _'He certainly knows how to kill the mood,_ ' Svana thought to herself. "No, I'm Halfdan's." She corrected unnecessarily.

Ubbe swayed his head as if to say it made no difference.

"Friends, yes? I could really use one here." She reminded him of why they were there, uncomfortable under his heavy-lidded gaze. He took his time answering, watching her squirm and grit her teeth during the silence.

"Of course. Friends," he said roughly.

She stepped back and let him gather his things, looking away and feeling awkward, not knowing how to settle the weirdness in the air.

Finally, as he began to leave and looked at her expectantly, she shook her head.

"I'll go back later. But..." she hesitated, remembering how Ivar's name had caused tension. "Tell him I'll see him tomorrow, yes?"

Ubbe's smile was gloomy, "I will."

She stayed there, glaring at the arrows they had shot at the target until she feared it would be too dark to travel back. Fortunately the sky was clear so the moon helped her find her way out of the woods and back towards her bed.

* * *

She was woken up by movement, someone climbing in and settling against her, a clothed shoulder resting against her bare one. Her mind was instantly alert, fear causing her blood to come alive as she stared at the ceiling with wide eyes. Her left hand moved slowly towards the dagger hidden under her pillow.

"Are you awake?"

The high voice caused her to breathe out sharply in a mix of relief and anger. She quickly turned to push Ivar off the bed, ignoring his pained gasp as he landed hard on his hip.

"Why would you frighten me like that!?" She shouted into the dark. The more she squinted, the clearer his figure became, her eyes getting used to the faint moonlight coming in through the door he'd left ajar.

He grunted as he pushed himself up to sit against her bed, facing away from her.

"I wanted to see you," he explained simply.

Frustrated, she slapped his head, "Sometimes people use their fists on doors before entering. Do you _ever_ ask for permission, for anything?" She growled, laying back down on her back and gathering her furs up close against her bare skin. _'What a time to sleep naked.'_

"No," he spat out petulantly.

She breathed out slowly, waiting for her anger to fade before asking, "Why did you want to see me?"

"I always want to see you. Do I need a reason?"

' _Fool_ ,' she cursed at herself as she smiled at his impish tone.

"I'm charmed. How about an actual answer now?"

"I'm going to England."

"I know."

"I don't know if I'm coming back. Mother believes I'm sailing to my death."

Svana closed her eyes, frustrated at the tears that began to swell. She believed the same as Aslaug, but not because Ivar lacked the ability to walk but because Ragnar seemed half-mad with his intentions, making a fool of himself willingly just to get people to go with him. He didn't seem like a man set on conquering or raiding. He had something else planned and now it involved Ivar. And she had just met the man yesterday, but it didn't take much for her to realise she didn't, would never trust him. Her instincts were usually right; if someone bore ill will towards her, she'd figure it out quickly, so over the years she'd come to trust her intuition.

But Ivar didn't come here to hear another woman telling him not to go. She could sense, in the silence, his expectation of her to ask him to stay just like his mother had. For her to prove his fears that she thought less of him because of his legs.

Svana had a feeling that she would be alleviating those fears for a long time before he'd finally let go of them. And that was only if he did return. Which he most likely would not.

"I don't want you to die," she admitted. But continued before he could strike with scorn or hurt, whichever was building up within him, "But I don't want you to give up your dream either."

"How would you know what my dream is?" He asked, voice heavy with emotion.

"It's easy to guess. You're the cripple son of Ragnar Lothbrok... Why wouldn't you dream of going out to sail with the famous King, of being seen as a man by someone who's become a legend in our stories? Or just... spending time with your father."

From his shuddering breaths, she figured she guessed right. Not liking how she couldn't see his expressions, couldn't see what he was thinking, she turned on her side and reached out a hand to brush her fingers against his shoulder.

"Come back up here, please."

He quickly did as she asked, pulling himself up with strained grunts and settled to mirror her position, lying on his side to face her.

Her heart started to beat faster at his closeness in the dark, in her bed, while she was undressed and ready to be taken. Her marriage, her duty, it all seemed so far away, in another realm, meaningless and forgotten.

His breath hitched when she reached out a hand so she hesitated. Ivar hummed low, taking her hand in his and bringing it to his cheek.

"Oh, Ivar..." she murmured at the wetness on his skin. "What are you crying about?" She did her best at sounding curious and interested, tried to let him see that she wasn't judging him for shedding tears in front of her.

"I feel like the Gods sent you here to mock me," he whispered.

"Why?"

"I want to... have a woman. The way my brothers have had women. And I even tried to have the slave, who gave herself to all of them but with me... She..."

"She didn't want to. And you felt slighted."

"I tried to kill her," he admitted.

"Naturally," she said dryly.

"But then she said some things... Now I think she said them just to save her life."

"So did you have sex with her?" Svana asked bluntly, truly curious now.

"No. I... tried, but I couldn't get..." He grunted and slumped onto his back, her hand falling onto his chest.

"Couldn't get hard?" She guessed.

"Hm."

"And so you thought it could never happen? Didn't consider it might be the situation affecting you?"

"I just saw something that my brothers got to have that I couldn't. I didn't think or consider anything. Not until after."

"And what do you think now?"

She could see him moving his head, considering his words.

"Now I know. That I can."

Svana smiled at him refusing to say it. She rose onto an elbow, leaning into his side like she'd done a few days ago the night they'd met, only this time it was her bare breast that touched his arm and she could hear his breathing quicken.

"Do I make you hard, Ivar?" She asked, feeling wicked for teasing but wanting to hear him say it.

"Yes," he hissed out. "And that's how the Gods mock me."

She trailed her hand up to his neck so she'd feel skin under her touch again, humming at the heat of him. "How?"

His head turned sharply and she swore she could actually see the blue of his eyes in the dark, glaring up at her.

"I can't have you, can I? You said it yourself and then you act like this... Like. A. Whore," He stressed the words in anger before grabbing her hand and throwing it away from him.

Svana felt hurt swirling in her guts but refused to give into it, for she knew in her head that he had a right to be mad at her. "I deserved that," she said shakily.

She threw herself onto her back with a sigh, staring at the ceiling and cursing her wretched self.

"I'm drawn to you. Surely you believe that. I'm not trying to..." She rolled her eyes, "Manipulate you or... whatever Ubbe might think of me-"

"Ah, yes. _Ubbe_. I heard about how you spent the day with him." The _'instead of me'_ was left unsaid but hung in the air like a knife about to be dropped down on her.

"I spent the evening with him. And I only did it after he told me you were leaving. I figured Queen Aslaug wouldn't want an outsider taking away her final day with you."

"So you do believe I'm sailing to my death?"

"She believes it," she corrected him.

"Huh," he sounded disbelieving. "So is my brother a good replacement for me?"

"Oh, don't even try that with me. Ubbe could never replace you and he knows it. We just had a friendly contest."

"He talked of your skills with... _great admiration_ ," he mocked the compliment.

"It's stupid of you to be jealous when all you had to do was look at me. And I was yours." She admitted this in anger, foolishly laying her infatuation bare to him.

But his own anger still coiled around them like a snake, getting ready to strike, "Ubbe's eyes are just as blue as mine."

"It is not about the color of your damn eyes, Ivar." She laughed mirthlessly, "I feel like you're being obtuse on purpose now just to see how far you can push me. I don't like to be pushed."

"I don't like to be pushed either. My hip still hurts from the fall, by the way," he snarled at her softly.

"If you don't stop hounding me without purpose, I'll push you off again."

He pushed himself up with a grunt, dragging his legs to the floor but stayed sitting on the edge of her bed, body swaying in thought.

"Why did you really come here?" She asked, more confused than ever.

"I wanted to have a woman before I died," he answered softly.

"Now you're trying to make me pity you enough to have sex with you," she remarked calmly. Svana didn't like mind games and she refused to go along with them.

"Seems like you just know everything," Ivar's head turned towards her and she could feel his glare as a chill that crept along her skin.

"You knew I'd say no," she prodded at him, hoping he'd reveal something true before he left.

"Knowing that doesn't make me stop wanting it. But I know better now," He crawled to the floor, "A cripple like me doesn't deserve a woman like you," He laughed darkly, seemingly mocking himself.

Angry once again at his refusal to accept her feelings even when she offered them to him sincerely, she pulled out the dagger and sat up to throw it at the door just before he reached it.

"What was that for?" He asked in innocent confusion.

"Stop being an idiot and realise how difficult this is for me. See the cage Harald has put me in. See my lust for freedom and how it is turning into lust for just you. A boy." Svana laughed wildly, "You're just a boy who doesn't know anything about women, about how the world works." She could feel the heat of his fury, hear how he was slamming at the ground with his hands and finally see the tightness of shoulders and see the scowl on his face as he pushed the door open and let the moonlight in.

"Ask me again," she said suddenly, unwilling to let him leave like this. Her heart and her body ached and all she wanted was for him to look at her without hatred clouding his eyes.

"What?" He snarled.

"Ask me again when you come back from England."

His fury didn't disappear but it dimmed, "And if I die?"

"Then I'll be lost anyway." She smiled at him, one last time hoping to get him to see how her life had changed when they'd met, "You're the only thing keeping me afloat, Ivar. Rest of the world is... sinking around me and a few days ago at the feast, I was sinking along with it. But you pulled me back up."

Ivar looked at her and finally, Svana felt that he saw her, all of her.

"Will you come to the docks tomorrow?" He asked, instead of acknowledging what she'd said. But Svana felt that his considering stare was enough for now.

"Of course," she promised.

He nodded at her and then crawled away, leaving her door open to the cold night air. But she didn't mind the chill, feeling numb to it. She laughed at herself, at Ivar's stubborn insecurity, at everyone else's disbelief at her interests, at her King far away unknowing of how close she'd come to forget his commands entirely.

She laughed until she felt tired and then Svana sighed and covered her face with her hands. "Odin, I beg you, if this is some elaborate punishment, I think I've had enough."

As usual, silence was her only reply.

* * *

She stayed away from Ivar's family who were all standing on the docks near the ship preparing to sail. She instead went to stand on the shore, too far to hear anything said but not so far as to remain unnoticed. Ragnar saw her as he was boarding, waving at her with forced cheer. She refused to wave back.

Ivar quickly drew everyone's attention onto himself. Svana frowned at the sight of him trying to move with the crutches, wondered if he truly thought that would be the best way to move around once they were in England. If there was to be any fighting, he'd be an easy target like that, far easier to kill than the slithering cripple who could surprise an enemy from down below. She noticed Ragnar's reaction to the slow movements, how he looked away from Ivar when he toppled over. She didn't trust him to care for Ivar, but she knew that he was clever and cunning. Perhaps he'd teach Ivar what only he could, how to accept his legs and how to use them to his benefit, for anyone else would be giving advice into the void with how quickly Ivar would disregard it.

Once on-board the ship, Ivar's gaze found hers. To him, she waved and smiled encouragingly, hoping he'd return the gesture. He didn't but his anger had obviously faded as he just stared at her, wide-eyed.

He looked scared. _She_ was scared. But she kept her smile and held his stare until they were sailing away and she couldn't make out his face anymore.

She hadn't noticed the people milling about or the sun moving along the sky so she didn't notice Ubbe's approach either, until his hand landed on her shoulder and caused her to jump.

The ship was nowhere to be seen, she'd been standing there for more than an hour.

"Come, my mother wishes to speak with you," his expression showed his concern and she was grateful for not voicing it. She'd rather not talk any more of her foolish ideas of fate or her intense feelings for his brother.

She was still a shieldmaiden and her King had ordered her to be loyal to Queen Aslaug, so that's what she set out to do.

As Ubbe led her to the Hall, she did her best to put her hope aside. Ivar may not return. King Harald most likely will. Her duty, her sense of honor, made her fate set. She would hold on to her beliefs and would have to trust this to be enough for now.

It had to be enough.

* * *

 **a/n** **:** i'm predicting at least two or three chapters without ivar. i'm actually excited about writing them, cause there are some upcoming scenes in my head that made me want to write this story in the first place. darkness ahoy, take me to the land of angsty vikings, sail away, sail away, sail away, /blasts enya/.


	5. Queen

**a/n:** i underestimated how much work would kill my motivation. but you guys with your follows, reviews and favs pulled me back in. a bit of a filler ch this time, but necessary all the same.

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Queen**

Aslaug looked fragile, her gaze drifting and sad. She was barely listening to Svana, who nonetheless continued her count of the numerous ways they could bolster Kattegat's defenses. It was just the two of them, the occasional slave moving about, making preparations for dinner.

"-and finally, watchtowers. Even just two of them, built high enough to see over the hills would greatly help us if attackers were to come, give us enough time to gather our forces at the gates-"

"I'd like for you to move into the room next to mine. It is... smaller, meant for a slave, which you are obviously not. But I'd feel better if you were closer to me."

Svana was shocked at the request, "I'm honored... but confused. I'm King Harald's warrior and I'm sure you're aware of his dream to become King of all Norway... and that Kattegat is the last piece yet to be obtained."

"It matters not who commands you. I know who sways your heart the most right now."

"And yet you believe he sailed to his death. So he no longer holds sway over me."

Aslaug smiled at Svana kindly, "Our hearts don't let go of their desires so easily."

"This is all so... foolish," she laughed grimly. "I've only been here for a few days-"

"It took Ragnar and me only a few days to make our first child together," Aslaug revealed, "When it comes to fate, it can be sudden and unexpected. And usually, we're all very unprepared for it," she finished wryly.

"If you truly wish for me to move here, I will, my Queen-"

"Call me Aslaug. I am, not your Queen, after all."

Uncomfortable with the familiarity, Svana hesitated.

"...I will move into the room... Aslaug."

She smiled but it quickly dimmed as her eyes unfocused, "Ivar liked you. He would've liked to see me put my trust in you."

Svana remained silent, even as her heart ached for the mother before her.

Aslaug straightened, eyes clearing as she summoned one of the slave girls with a wave of her hand, "Find Bitra and tell her to change rooms with Svana and help her with moving all of the shieldmaidens' things." The girl nodded and walked away swiftly.

"Come," Aslaug stood, "Let's play Hnefatafl while we wait. Ivar loved to play it, I'm nowhere near as good as he was but I'm hoping I'll be enough of a challenge."

Svana chuckled, following the Queen to the table where the game was already set, "You think _I'm_ good at it?"

"To be worthy of my Ivar, you would have to be smart," she said it so matter-of-factly, Svana just laughed awkwardly and let it go.

She ended up winning three games out of four.

* * *

Dinner that evening started out incredibly tense. Sigurd had been surprised and even visibly disgusted at seeing Svana already seated at the table, next to Aslaug. Ubbe, however, gave her a warm welcome, clapping her shoulder before sitting down to face her.

Conversation was at first nonexistent with Aslaug staring at her food rather than eating it, Sigurd devouring his and Ubbe sending pleading glances at Svana, which she shook her head at. But she soon grew tired of the tension and broke the silence.

"Sigurd, how good are you with a shield?" She paused, realising how abrupt the question was, "If I may ask," she added tentatively.

Sigurd took some time to chew through the food in his mouth before he could reply. "I'm alright."

"Not really," Ubbe snorted and shrugged innocently at the other's glare.

"I'm just asking," Svana intervened before they could start their brotherly arguing, "because I can teach you a few things, if you'd like. Hvitserk asked me to join you before he left but I couldn't then."

"Because you were with Ivar," Sigurd smirked unkindly.

Aslaug, stuck between them, was slowly growing aware of the conversation around her, gaze lifting from her food in curiosity.

Svana didn't like the way Sigurd said his brother's name and had half a mind to reveal that but Ubbe cut in again.

"You could learn a lot from her, believe me, we both could."

She smiled at him, grateful for his respect.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Aslaug said to Sigurd, "Both of you should take Svana hunting and training tomorrow. Get to know her and tell her stories of our family." She turned to smile at Svana secretively. She felt that the Queen was planning something or knew more than she let on, but couldn't fully guess what for Aslaug's true emotions were often hidden by a regal expression or by a smile.

"We'll do just that, won't we, Sigurd?" Ubbe looked at his brother meaningfully and the younger man nodded, looking decidedly unhappy about the plan.

"I'd love to hear your stories," she admitted in sincereness. "I'm an only child, so tales of my childhood are very duty-focused and boring. I never really got up to any mischief. But you," she pointed at Ubbe playfully, and then at Sigurd, "All of you, I'm sure you got up to a lot."

Ubbe shrugged with a wicked grin, "Could be."

"Yes, and our little brother was especially naughty, killing another child when he was just six years old."

"Sigurd," Aslaug admonished.

Svana refused to react to that information without knowing the full story so she returned Sigurd's pointed glare with an expression of mocking curiosity.

"Oh, that sounds like a tale. Will you tell me all about it?"

Sigurd pushed his plate away from him and stood angrily, "I've lost my appetite."

When he was gone, Svana took in Aslaug's and Ubbe's somber faces and thought about apologising.

"Is he always like that?" She asked instead.

Aslaug let out a surprised chuckle before reaching for her goblet. Ubbe cast a thoughtful gaze at his mother before answering.

"When it comes to Ivar, yes."

She looked at the Queen, remembered the love and worry she had seen for her youngest, couldn't see any of it shared with Hvitserk and was now beginning to think if perhaps Aslaug had clutched at her crippled son so desperately, she'd grown unable to love anyone else. It would explain a lot, most of all Sigurd's anger and Ubbe's inner conflict as protectiveness over his brother seemed to fight against resentment.

"I see," she said softly. "I'll just have to try harder to crack his shell," she winked at Ubbe. "I'll slam him with my shield until he forgets why he doesn't like me."

Aslaug laughed along with Ubbe, "I almost wish to come along so I could see that."

"I'll tell you all about it later in such detail, it will be like you were there," Svana promised, raising her own goblet.

The rest of the meal was peaceful, Ubbe and Svana exchanging occasional banter with Aslaug sometimes joining in to agree or disagree with someone. After, when she was about to leave with the Queen to see her new quarters, Ubbe stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"A moment?" He asked, eyes on his mother. Aslaug looked at them calculatingly, an expression that reminded Svana of Ivar, before nodding and leaving the room to wait further away.

"Yes?"

"So you've moved to Bitra's room?" Ubbe asked, crossing his arms.

"Yes. Aslaug asked me to."

Svana straightened herself up in alarm when he stepped closer, the room having lost any sign of the warm camaraderie they'd shared earlier.

"If you hurt my mother in any way-"

Nervous laughter burst from her mouth, before she could stop it. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just.. relieved you thought to threaten me, which probably sounds odd."

Ubbe looked stunned but his mouth was twitching into a smile, "It does sound odd. Why are you relieved?"

"Because these past few days have been unusual and weird and your protectiveness of your mother is the only thing that makes sense to me right now. I _shouldn't_ be trusted. By any of you, and yet that's what you do, again and again." She wiped a hand over her face in frustration. "Aslaug's request was unexpected but not unwelcome. I'm to keep her safe, am I not? So I will. But if Harald ever changes his mind, well. Then we'll be enemies anyway, so your threats matter not."

When she finished speaking, Ubbe's warm smile returned and she relaxed immediately at the sight of it.

"Then for now we are as you wanted us to be. Friends." He turned to leave, pausing to tell her over his shoulder, "And until the day your king sets his sights on Kattegat... I choose to trust you."

"Thank you," she told him softly as he left. She took a moment to chuckle at how each day seemed to bring new surprises for her here, far from her home. And then she went to see her new bed.

* * *

"Well, it's... certainly smaller."

The room was tiny, the bed having room for only one person and although it was now covered with the furs she'd been sleeping with in the guest house, it still managed to look uncomfortably built. There was a table in a corner and a washing basin in the other corner and that was it.

Aslaug managed to convey both her guilt and imploration with her smile. "I'm sure it's not what you're used to, and you can very well go back, if you wish."

She steeled herself, drawing in a long breath, "It's fine. I like the idea of being close by in case you need a guard."

"Oh, I didn't really think you'd actually be guarding me," Aslaug laughed.

"Why else would I stay here?" Svana asked, confused again.

The Queen reached out a hand and gently squeezed Svana's shoulder, "So we can get to know each other better."

Svana struggled to wrap her mind around that, when suddenly Aslaug stepped back and yawned.

"But forgive me, I should retire. We can talk more tomorrow night." She looked haunted as she smiled at Svana, devoid of feelings. "Sleep well."

Before she could reply, Svana was alone.

* * *

The bed was uncomfortable, until Svana gave up on sleeping naked, pulled on a nightshirt and placed half of her furs beneath her. When it finally felt like nothing was digging into her spine, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Through heavy dreams full of childhood memories of her father, she faintly heard screaming. At first it blended into her sleep; she started looking for the source of the screams in her dream, confusing her father who couldn't hear anything. But wakefulness came, her eyes opening to meet the dark, her mind floundering at the sudden change of scenery.

She hummed in confusion, rolling over to sit up in bed, mind focusing enough to search out the source of the screaming. It was shrill and full of despair and it came from close by. As soon as she realised it had to be Aslaug, the screaming turned into heart wrenching sobs and Svana stumbled upwards, grabbing the dagger she'd left on the table and running out into the hallway.

A slave was standing at Aslaug's doorway, face white as a sheet and tears streaming from her eyes.

"What happened?" She asked brusquely, shoving the girl aside so she could see.

"I-I-I don't know,"

She barely registered the girl's answer as she took in the sight of the Queen lying on the floor, her nightgown stained heavily with blood as she sobbed into hands covered in red.

She hadn't screamed for help, wasn't asking for help now, eyes not focusing on either Svana or the slave.

"Go get warm water and some cloths to clean her with." The slave didn't react right away, so Svana snapped, " _Now_!" And the girl rushed to action. She entered Aslaug's room and pushed the door closed.

"Aslaug?" She said softly, hoping the woman would answer or acknowledge her in some way. But she didn't react, still crying and looking ahead as if seeing something Svana couldn't.

She sighed, realising she'd have to kneel down to try and get Aslaug's attention by touch. She did it tentatively, not wanting to startle the woman out of whatever trance she was in. Aslaug's skin felt cold and clammy when she softly caressed her cheek and worry started to build in her. Was this sickness? A miscarriage? Was she witnessing the death of a Queen?

"Please, tell me you can hear me," she whispered, gathering Aslaug's upper body into her lap so she could hold her head and try to make their eyes meet. Finally, recognition showed on her face as her hands came up to fist themselves in Svana's nightshirt.

"I can't feel him anymore," Aslaug sobbed out and Svana's heart froze.

There was really only one person she would be crying over and Svana refused to believe Ivar was dead. Three measly days she'd spent here and yet her soul yearned for Kattegat, for Ivar, for the glory Ragnar's sons would surely find. And she ached for the woman now in her arms, for the mother who had visions of death and who was now bereft of any hope for her favored son's life.

"I..." She choked, unsure of how to comfort.

"They sank," Aslaug whispered.

"You saw it?"

"I felt him being ripped away from me, from inside of me."

Svana breathed in shakily, eyes going back to the blood. "It... It might not mean he's dead."

"I can't feel him anymore!" Aslaug growled, pulling herself close to press her face against Svana's stomach.

"I can," She said before she could really consider the ramifications of lying about something so important to a volva. But Aslaug's crying stopped and she looked up once again.

"You can?" Seeing her face desperate from grief, Svana couldn't take it back now, so she nodded dumbly.

"He's gone away," her mind was racing, trying to find reasons for Aslaug's visions, for her bleeding, to comfort the Queen and to offer hope. "He is no longer bound to you, to Kattegat. That's all this is, him leaving your side and starting his own life."

But Aslaug just smiled wanly, eyes welling up with tears, "I will never see him again."

Shaken at the other's certainty, Svana held her close and pressed their foreheads together in solace.

"You don't know that," she told her, holding back tears of her own. "You don't know that." But in her heart she believed Aslaug's words to be true, the vision to be true, so she held Ivar's mother and grieved with her for yet another possible future that she only got a brief glimpse of.

* * *

"Are you all set?"

She looked up from staring at her hands, surprised to see Ubbe standing there, cloaked and armed, a bow gripped tightly in one hand.

Svana turned her gaze back at her fingers that she had scrubbed clean that morning of Aslaug's blood after spending the rest of the night gently cleaning the woman and staying by her side as she slept. She was tired and numb but Ubbe had startled her out of her trance and something sparked within her. She was feeling angry.

Angry at Harald, at Halfdan, at Ragnar and most of all at her own father. Since before she had been aware of it, the men in her life had taken away decisions and choices and given her the illusion of freedom. If she had been allowed to go to Lagertha... This wouldn't have been her life.

This grief for a boy she didn't even really know, this heartbreak for his mother and this conflict within her at being treated like a possession by a man she had no respect for; she'd have escaped all of it. With Lagertha, she could've been free.

"Svana?" Once again, Ubbe pulled her out of her thoughts, hands resting on her clenched fists.

She looked up to meet his worried gaze with a steely expression, "I'm ready, yes."

"What happened?"

Aslaug's plea to stay silent about the night before echoed in her head as she forced herself to smile, "Nothing."

"You're pale, are you ill?" Ubbe's fingers stroking against her cheek caused her to step back.

"If you want a woman to caress, go find your slave," she spat out, unable to hold in her vitriol. Immediately after seeing him look chastised, she regretted it and refused to meet his eyes. "I'm in the mood to hunt, so let's go."

He turned to lead the way without another word.

* * *

Their hunt was a success in many ways. They managed to snare a couple of rabbits and shoot down two deers that had wandered into the woods near the training area. And Svana even hit one of them with an arrow which boosted her confidence in her archery skills. Best of all, it was a good distraction from the chaos in her mind, an activity that required focus and being aware of her surroundings.

So when Ubbe sat down to start cutting up the skins and the meat, she was in a much better mood and didn't let Sigurd's sour face affect her.

"Come, get your shield and axe. I'll make a man out of you today," She laughed at his glare and waved at him to get on with it. Ubbe didn't lift his gaze from his task but had a wide grin on his face, obviously still paying attention.

"Is that what you did for Ivar as well?"

The name caused a crack in her armor of cheer, "If you focused less on your brother and more on yourself, maybe you'd be a great warrior and not a little boy playing around in the woods."

Sigurd snarled at her and charged, shield low, _too_ low. She easily blocked him, having quickly braced herself and redirected his momentum to the side so she could slap his head before stepping away, leaving him to find his balance.

Ubbe had paused his skinning, guffawing loudly at his brother. "Sigurd, get over yourself and grab the opportunity in front of you. Learn, brother."

She feared Ubbe's laughter would cause Sigurd to once again lash out in frustration but the boy centered himself, raised his shield and looked at her expectantly.

"Alright, what first?"

"Well," she chuckled. "Your stance, first of all."

Sigurd frowned, looking down at himself, "What's wrong with it?"

"You are not bracing yourself, your knees are too straight and you're keeping your shield too low. It makes it easy for me to unbalance you. If you fall over in an actual battlefield, you're dead."

They went through his charge more slowly, her explaining how to stand and when and where to lift his shield for optimal force. After he tried it her way a few times, he seemed to warm up to the idea of being her student, intently listening to her every word and following her instructions with no further questions. He was quick to grasp everything she told him and to put it to use, Svana was sincerely impressed by how easily he corrected himself.

A few hours later they were both tired and sweaty, yet in a good mood and Svana decided to put Sigurd to the test.

"Ubbe, how about you come attack your brother the way you attacked me?"

Rising from his unfinished work, Ubbe grabbed his own shield and axe and swiftly readied himself for a charge.

"Come, little brother. Show me what you've learned," he leered mockingly and then ran towards Sigurd, who was wearing an expression of stubborn determination.

Sigurd's stance kept him in place as their shields met and he quickly used all of his force to push back against the assault, before sending a blind swing with his axe, which was blocked by Ubbe but was only meant as a distraction. Sigurd quickly turned the opposite way of his swing, and used the turn's momentum to slam his shield into Ubbe. His brother staggered to the side and sent Sigurd an impressed look.

"Nicely done, brother."

Svana went to put one arm around Sigurd, giving him a proud grin, "Indeed, I'll make a shieldmaiden out of you yet!"

This time Sigurd joined in on the laughter instead of answering her with scorn.

"I wish the others had been here, especially Ivar. I could slam him off that stump of his now, easily."

She pulled back slowly, trying not to show her reaction to the name on her face. Ubbe's eyes were ever-watchful and seemed to miss nothing.

"I don't know, he's good enough with a sword and an axe. Not to mention, he can shoot an arrow into your knee as you are charging at him."

Sigurd scoffed, "I'd never give him the chance."

In her mind, Svana was replacing the words as they were said. 'He _was_ good enough.' 'He _could_ shoot.'

"Anyway, come, we should finish up with the meat and head back, it's getting late and your mother is expecting our presence at dinner." Svana hoped she appeared as calm and unaffected as she was trying to be.

"And while we do that, we can tell you those stories you asked for," Sigurd offered and she smiled at him in surprise.

"That would be lovely."

They settled in to sit around the skinned animals, Ubbe having already done most of the work. She grabbed a rabbit to work on and asked, "So what was it like, growing up as you did?"

"You mean as sons of Ragnar?" Ubbe clarified.

"Mm, yes and no. Mostly, I'm intrigued by you having so many siblings. Specifically, brothers. Not one sister."

"We almost had a sister, or one like it, I guess."

She saw Ubbe's warning look and got curious. "What do you mean?"

Sigurd hadn't looked at his brother, so he continued without hesitation. "Siggy, Bjorn's firstborn. She died when we were little."

"Oh. I'm sorry, what happened to her? Was it a sickness?"

"Best not to speak of such things," Ubbe made sure Sigurd saw his meaningful look this time, the other rolling his eyes but growing silent.

Intrigued but aware that she'd overstep if she asked any more, Svana tried to steer them away from Siggy, "How long have you been hunting around these parts? And when did you get the cabin?"

Fortunately, both of them were eager to share those tales and the rest of the evening was spent with pleasant conversation and lots of laughter, as both Svana and Ubbe never missed an opportunity for banter, Sigurd shaking his head at them in the background.

The evening ended with them having dinner together with Aslaug, this time no one left in a huff and Aslaug seemed to be fully present, listening to Svana's praises of Sigurd's skills with a smile on her face.

But she had seen what lurked behind the mask the Queen put on when in company and she feared what the night would bring.

* * *

"Have you ever dreamt of him?"

Svana shifted around uncomfortably on Aslaug's bed, a little stressed at her current predicament. She was in her nightshirt, sitting up against the head of the bed, observing as the Queen readied herself for sleep. The request to join Aslaug in her room hadn't been that much of a shock, the woman had been distraught and in need of comfort the night before and no one else knew about the reason. But Svana had thought she'd be sleeping on the floor or some other furniture made up into a bed and not... next to the Queen.

"Of Ivar?" She asked unnecessarily.

Aslaug replied with a scoff.

"No, I haven't really... at least not before meeting him. And even now, my dreams... They're just dreams."

"You said you could feel him."

Svana imagined punching herself in her mouth. Yes, she had said that. And _oh_ , how she regretted it now. "I... I can't explain it. I just know that if he'd died... I would've felt it." And now she was comparing herself and her feelings to the boy's actual mother who was a volva. She cringed at her arrogance.

Aslaug didn't seem to see it as such, coming to crawl into the bed beside her and mirror her position against the headboard with a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Maybe you would've," she muttered to herself.

"But... I have no experience in these things, connections, visions? It's all," Svana choked, laughing at her nerves, "I've never believed in any of that, not really. I believe in Valhalla, in Odin and all the gods but... I've never thought us, the people here, to have any power or abilities."

"Do you think I'm a liar?"

The sheer calm in Aslaug's tone as she asked that caused goosebumps to rise on Svana's skin.

"No, I don't. Honestly? After arriving in Kattegat, I don't know what to think anymore. About anything."

Aslaug hummed, "You feel lost then."

"Yes. Ivar... was just a glimpse of a life, that was already lost to me, before we sat sail here. Maybe my connection is just a fantasy, a wish."

"I don't believe that to be the truth."

She cursed the hope that began to rise up within her. "You don't?" She asked, voice small.

"You saw something in my son. And in doing so, made him see you. That's a connection in and of itself, without any help from the Gods. However," Aslaug paused and considered her words with care, "You could go to the Seer and ask him of your fate."

"My father never liked Seers," Svana frowned. "He always said they're either liars or they know all the answers and only give you the ones you don't want to hear."

Aslaug laughed bitterly, "That's rather wise. But nonetheless, the Seer might tell you something of Ivar. If he yet lives."

And then she saw it. Aslaug was tense with hope, hope that Svana had given her. This was a way to find out more, to be certain.

She couldn't deny the woman this, even though she was apprehensive about what the Seer would say. After all, she felt abandoned and deprived of a destiny but to hear someone else speak those words and to condemn her to a whole life of nothing but this feeling of being caged... It could mean her ruin.

"I'll go. Tomorrow."

Aslaug's smile was kind, yet cunning. No doubt, she had been manipulated once again. Svana realised, she was starting to get a habit of agreeing to anything the Queen asked of her.

Far from being resentful, Svana admired the woman for her ways and realised even without Harald's orders, she would protect Aslaug's life with her own. Just like with her son, she had quickly started to care.


End file.
